Tagalog Sounds Like a Girl Scout Cookie

Rollin, Rollin, Rollin

2009-05-13T18:11:00.002+08:00

I've moved! Sudah pindah! Please change your bookmarks and RSS feeds to Halo Halo

Thanks for following me while I was in (and out) of the Philippines.. from now on I'll be Helenintheworld : )

Change is Inevitable: Blogging, cell phones, and my Dad's ties

2009-04-21T15:54:00.001+08:00

I have resolved to finally change my blog address now that I've been out of the Philippines for about 9 months (even if I'm still in denial). I think I need to be a (slightly) more grown up blogger and would appreciate your suggestions for non-country themed blog addresses or suggestions for a nice classy and clean template that I can swipe. I'm leaning towards staying at blogspot and merging all former blogs (Helen in Morocco, Egypt and Philippines) into one. Thoughts?

In other technology-related news, I finally caved into the obsession with fancy phones and decided to upgrade, but I'm back at square one after realizing that it's highly unlikely any phone I buy here will work in the United States. Telecommunications is one area in which I despise American exceptionalism- everyone else makes it so easy! One phone, simply change the SIM card. Thailand, among many other countries, even lets you buy a SIM card before you've left the airport, making communication a breeze. Singapore, oh Singapore, even sells other countries' cell phone credit at its airport. I think the US can do better but for now I guess I'm sticking with my 20 dollar phone that just texts and calls, pondering my options and shaking my fist at the FCC and American phone companies. If any of you out there have gone through this and have suggestions I would greatly appreciate your global phone advice.

Last time in the good news category I only highlighted friends, but my family has plenty to share too!

Cousin Michael is having his Eagle Scout ceremony this weekend and is planning on enrolling at North Georgia College & State University in the fall - and cousin Marion recently decided she will be heading to The University of Florida on a full-ride scholarship! I'm so proud of both of them and am especially excited to have another cousin in Georgia and even though my alma mater officially hates the Gators, I'm also thrilled for Marion and will only be a requisite jerk on game days. : ) Closer to home my youngest brother Emory made it out of fraternity rush infierno alive and kicking and Gregory, in the spirit of perpetually postponing graduation, got a scholarship to study Indian languages in India next year. Go Smith kids!

Perhaps this isn't blog-worthy, but considering my computer backdrop is my family at Easter, I have to say my family looks really good (though they would look better with me there, naturally :)) My dad was even wearing a non-red tie, which was a shocker. As I recall, last Easter he moved into the light-red, almost pink category, but this year went crazy with a light yellow tie. Emory was looking fratastic in pink and of course Mom and Gregory also looked great. I was sick on Easter but this year I celebrated both Passover and Good Friday so I didn't completely miss out on Holy Week, but longed to bring pink dogwoods from my tree and put them on the flower cross at church.

6 months by the numbers

2009-04-16T13:17:00.001+08:00

This month has been a letter bonanza! Stories from Aunt Diane, Aunt Carol Ann, Mom,Cousin Katherine, Brother Gregory, Friends Annie, Sarah, Thomas - thanks to all of you for making my April a better month : ) . Several of the letters were written on or around March 8^th, the date of my accident, and I like that nice sign from the universe that some of my loved ones were thinking of me during the most difficult couple of days here. If you don't know by now, I love letters and I have a good track record for responding, so send one my way if you'd like to add a stamp from Indonesia to your collection.

We've passed the month anniversary of my accident, the accident that made March pass by in a sort of dream. I'm much better now- I can sit with my legs bent and feet on the ground, walk almost normally and my last open wound has closed up and is no longer emitting blood, transcudite or yucky stuff. It's still awhile until complete recovery, skin regrowth, etc. and of course I've got a nasty cold to keep kicking me while I'm down (or, in Indonesian parlance- I've already fallen but the stairs are falling down on me). You would think I would take my down time to write up fabulous entries on the elections in Aceh or other fascinating things but the drugs make me feel too loopy : )

Fun fact: Phrase for ulterior motive in Indonesian is "A shrimp behind the rock."

Six months by the numbers:

Indonesian songs memorized: About 15

Times swimming with all my clothes on: 3

Bike trips outside the city: 6

Text messages sent:1555

Text messages received:1643

Unintentional pseudo dates: 2

Visits to the field: 2

Number of districts I've been in Aceh: 6 (NAD, Aceh Besar, Pidie, Pidie Jaya, Lhokseumawe, Bireuen)

Number of letters written: Approx 60

Hitler posters taken down from the wall: 1

Expat parties: 2

Books read: Approx 10

Estimated Indonesian vocabulary: 800- 1,000 words

Days on antibiotics: 19

Holiday-themed packages from mom: 5

Half-way through, six-month review

2009-04-13T13:25:00.003+08:00

I'm about to send off my PiA 6 month report- can you believe it's already that time? I can't! I got to reflect on the effectiveness of my work, cultural differences, travel opportunities and if I had "found myself" in Asia. I'm still not really sure what my expectations were for myself coming to Aceh so it's hard to say if my experience has lived up to them or not and what my goals are for the remainder of my time here. I know I'm a different person now that I've been in Asia for nearly two years, but I'm no longer so obsessed over what that means or how those changes manifest themselves. I think most of it is just getting older ; )

For your reading pleasure, my response to: What have you learned about your own values and worldview through living abroad? Were you hoping to 'find yourself'? Have you?

In general everything is all mixed up. It’s not that hard to imagine that moving from an evangelical South to a Catholic Philippines to a Muslim Indonesia makes you question a lot of your religiously-determined worldview; my ideas on feminism and human rights and development have also been challenged- sometimes confirmed and strengthened and sometimes I’m no longer sure where I stand.

If 'finding yourself' is 'knowing yourself' then yes, I've made some progress, although not all of it is fun. Living abroad shows you to yourself at all of your worst moments. The good ones come along too, of course, but I've seen myself at my most depressed, most lonely, most confused, least self-confident, and all my conceptions of myself as a hard worker, a go-getter, a patient and responsible person, a leader, etc.etc.- all of these have at one point or another, for a short or long time, gone out the window.

The beautiful part is that none of these realizations or experiences are stagnant ones and I truly believe I've grown from each of them. If at first I thought I was no longer a leader, now I can recognize the nuance of leadership and how cultural our conception of its value and manifestation is. If at first I bemoaned how slow I was to do things at work, I later was thankful for the time getting to know my coworkers and moving at their pace until I could add value to the work being done. If at first I felt so constricted and harassed by men and self-conscious about myself as a woman, I now feel confident in the line I’m walking between being true to myself and open to what comes my way while at the same time being respectful and sensitive to cultural differences. There are still plenty of difficult times and questions, but this tension and working through it is what creates a different me at the end of my time in Asia and that’s what we all want, even if we have to yield ourselves to it instead of plow through like Americans often prefer to do. : )

So one day Las Vegas students will be taking down Hitler posters too

2009-04-01T12:12:00.002+08:00

The hands of taqdir have struck again! Only days after I shared with you my excitement at removing a Hitler poster from the wall here in Aceh, I have another (greater) opportunity to keep the significance of the Holocaust alive, this time through young students in Nevada. Padmini, a college friend who is in her third year of Teach for America in Las Vegas, is seeking support to buy a class set of "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusa to help teach about the Holocaust. She writes on her Donorchoose.org page:

I teach seventh grade reading in Nevada. Over 90% of my students receive free/reduced lunch. Most of my students are English Language Learners with many students arriving to America within the last five years. My students have no idea what the Holocaust is. They are thirteen years old and live in America. How could this have happened? It's our responsibility as teachers and adults to ensure we never let this happen again, but yet, so few of our students have even inkling about the Holocaust. I cannot express to you the fear I feel when I think about that fact. Incredibly, the Holocaust and history in general is not taught in elementary school and in sixth grade. For many of my students, they become aware of the Holocaust at the end of seventh grade, which is covered briefly in conjunction with World War II. After that, my students probably won't hear anything or learn anything about World War II and the Holocaust until high school. As a result, most of my students have little to no knowledge about the true story of the Holocaust. What they will learn is the pop culture references that often belittle Hitler, but without any references to the six million people who were brutally murdered or how we can prevent human beings from doing this again. However, our school library doesn't have the funds to purchase a class set of The Book Thief for our class. As the state of Nevada has experienced serious budget cuts.

If you feel inspired to support Padmini teaching this crucial part of our history please give here. The website that she gives through is a non-profit that helps individuals like you and me give directly to classroom projects all across the United States. One thing I noticed after I gave is the remarkable transparency of where the funds will go, as well as the contributions of the organization itself, DonorsChoose. The project cost report for Padmini includes both the cost of procuring the books and cost to the organization:

This report details the labor performed by DonorsChoose.org to turn your donation into a live project. The project fulfillment fee supports this work and ensures "end to end" integrity on every student project. While the cost of fulfilling a student project remains the same, DonorsChoose.org offers a "scholarship" to the highest-need schools. Depending on a school's poverty
level, the fulfillment fee is 25%, 20%, or 15% of the total project cost. The vast majority of schools using DonorsChoose.org have high rates of poverty, so most proposals carry the 15% fulfillment fee.The organization adds an additional 15-25

I especially appreciate the detail below, which enumerates what staff work went into making these connections (and helps to justify the fulfillment cost) :

Mar 30, 2009 Donorschoose.org volunteer Kelly H reviewed the proposal essay to ensure that Ms. J fully explained the student learning that would take place, and emailed follow-up questions if anything was unclear.

Mar 31, 2009 DonorsChoose.org staff member
John C verified the project resources and calculated the proposal price tag.

It's great to see this kind of transparency that probably does not add much to their work but supports the overhead, though I like the term infrastructure better, that NGOs need to survive to keep making these connections happen. I wonder if Kiva, which already suggests a 5% donation with every loan, could adopt this model to reflect even further the work of volunteers and staff that make the loans possible.

Cinta = Love

2009-03-31T18:20:00.001+08:00

Last night, discussing relationships:

TTM (Teman tapi merasa) aka Friends but romantic, or, in American equivalent, Friends with benefits

vs.

HTS (Hubungan tanpa status) aka Relationship without status - American equivalent could range from "talking" to dating w/o commitment, may or may not include physical relationship.

The table was split between preference of HTS or having a pacar, or boyfriend/girlfriend, with some eshewing commitment, others lamenting the frustrations that come along with a HTS. General agreement that Aceh is a difficult place to have either. Dating is a bad word here, though ABG (anak baru gede- children newly big- adolescents), like ABG everywhere (and their older friends : ) ) know how to push the boundaries and skirt the WH (pronounced way ha- Sharia police). Plenty of dates happen, just without being called dates, or within the context of groups. Most flirtation seems to take place through Yahoo Messenger or by text, not so unusual these days.

For every individual a different story. Some of my Acehnese women friends have had boyfriends- one only spent time with him in the presence of her mother or occassionally in group settings. She expects to have her first kiss on the day of the wedding and there are many like her, though I'm in no position to generalize. One of my favorite stories is from New Year's Eve, which I missed while I was in the US. Apparently there were fireworks, and in one of the large fields in the center of town there were lots of couples watching and sitting close together while the outnumbered WH/Sharia Police gave up, unable to censure anyone since there were so many couples!

Perhaps there will be other times to discuss the WH and relationships, the expat world of romance, when the expat world and the local world collide in love and lust and countless other explorations of cinta in Indonesia, but for now I leave you with my new acronyms, thankful that I can just be 'sendiri tapi tidak kesimpian' (single but not lonely) and try to avoid the complex waters of TTM and HTS.

Good News Friday

2009-03-27T16:32:00.002+08:00

I'm back in Banda Aceh and feeling very nice, as long as I don't think about 6 more weeks without my bicycle and without yoga... I returned on Wednesday and around 6 I was just hanging out on the couch when Annie busted into the house in a panic- "Helen, my inner tube has come out blah blah blah, can you come outside and help me fix my bike?" I launch into action- this is easy, we can do this, if necessary we can just switch out our front tires since we have twin bikes, etc. etc. We go outside to have a look and to my surprise the front yard is full of my friends welcoming me back with balloons and yummy food and sanger, my favorite coffee drink laden with sugar and condensed cream. This is why I love Banda Aceh! I really have the greatest friends.

They arrived right when my coworker who is a nurse had shown up to help me change my bandage- I was so excited to show her how much it had improved since leaving for Singapore and she was excited, too! Today at work I cleaned and changed the dressing on my wound all by myself, under her supervision, so that in two days I can do it again at my house!

***

Great news! The Hitler poster at Intense Audio is gone! Now it's just John Lennon, Bob Marley and Rolling Stones for some peace, love and rock 'n roll and no more men "full of hate" who "killed a lot of people." One can never be sure of why it was ultimately taken down- I could have just been one voice among many but either way I'm so happy that it came down and that I got the courage to ask (and encouragement from Annie).

***

More great news- my friends are doing a lot of cool things these days and I just want to point a few out. Share your good news, too!

* Annie Lambla will be having her first international photo exhibit in Istanbul this spring featuring photographs from her life in Turkey last year. Hopefully I can share more details in this space at a later event, but I'm so excited and proud of her for this great accomplishment!

* More than a year and a half into her Peace Corps experience in Morocco, lots of opportunities seem to be coming to fruition for Anny. One awesome development is the launch of a website to market wool, pile carpets woven by women in the Souss Valley of Morocco. Check out the link to view, commission or order homemade carpets with proceeds going straight to the women and community that produced them.

* UGA Foundation Fellow Sarah C. will be working in Detroit this summer to help resettle Iraqi refugees. She's already written some great posts in preparation for this experience and I'm looking forward to following her accounts. One of my dreams of post-Philippines life was to work with Iraqi refugees in Jordan or Syria and so even if Indonesia is quite far I'm glad that I can still get a glimpse of this world through Sarah (and another favorite blogger Transitionland).

* Former Princeton in Asia Fellow and friend Angilee Shah has a great article "Colombo's Secret War on Terror" posted in the Far Eastern Economic Review that was also linked to on another one of my favorite blogs, Wronging Rights. Yay Angilee!

* High school friend Liz Clarke is fighting pirates with the U.S. Navy in Somalia. Read her interview in The Charlotte Observer here.

* Speaking of Charlotte, if you live there and are looking for an affordable house to rent near the cool places in Charlotte (i.e. near Central Ave.) check out Cristina's ad in Craig's List.

I went through books like they were barbeque

2009-03-24T19:13:00.001+08:00

Heading back to Banda tomorrow- bummed that I missed out on remote island workcation and real vacation with Selena in KL- I was really looking forward to getting all sweaty and greasy in KL clubs checking out the musical underworld with relaxing days by the pool, but health is the best gift of all and so is missing the place that you live! Who would have thought I would be so ready to trade in the global cuisine of Singapore for my tempeh and all of the Starbucks for some Cek Yukee and Helsinki? My wallet, perhaps, because seriously, Singapore is mean to wallets. I haven't done much shopping except for the requisite purchase of The Savage Detectives by Chilean author Roberto Bolano so that I can be an intellectual hipster no matter where I am (actually it's because I'm reading another book by him that is so incendiarily awesome that I must anticipate what it will be like to finish the book and have no more of his words - 2666 highly recommended: ) ) I also got a few things at an art store where I was using all of my restraint not to buy out the whole store. Wherever I live I need to have libraries/bookstores and art stores. Oh, how I want a studio for myself! It doesn't need to be really big, but it must have good natural lighting. I got so riled up today talking to Ali about the transformative power of art and how I've always wanted to open up an inner city space where all people can come in and create art for free. I choose to ignore all of the practical issues that would come attached and simply imagine the possibilities : )

Now that I'm dreaming, I'll leave you, but knee is good, Helen is good and I hope you are too!

Medical Vacation in Singapore

2009-03-21T13:49:00.001+08:00

Well friends, I'm sitting in my friend Ali's apartment in Singapore with my leg propped up and a bowl of edamame shells (soy beans) by my side. I'm just at another point in my bike accident saga, only this point is probably the best one to be at, since I'm here in Singapore to enjoy the benefits of orthopaedic specialists with walls full of diplomas and incredibly friendly nurses who clean my wound and cover the dressing with water proof sealant- I can take a shower! I was scheduled to fly to Medan today to join the health team on our trip to an island to the west of Aceh where programs are coming to a close. I was really looking forward to the island vacation, but at the last minute yesterday I came to grips with the fact that my health needs to be my number one priority and I need to really be sure that I'm on the mends and not jeopardize that with gallavanting on a remote island that could provide ample opportunities for stress or infection and an additional logistical nightmare if I need to come back to Singapore. I'm not always good at saying no and setting limits for myself- I can do everything, right? So this is an exercise in prudence with the side benefit that I'm in Singapore for longer!

I arrived Thursday morning after my boss, a doctor, advised that it was time for me to seek a higher level of care than what she and Banda Aceh have to offer. Enter the crazy process of dealing with my American insurance company, SOS (coordinating body for emergency situations) through my employer and company provisions for seeking medical care. My American insurance company was, predictably, no help at all and just read back my policy to me- "I'm sorry, if you aren't dying we can't help you get anywhere," but SOS in Jakarta was incredible- calling me at all hours of the day and helping me look into booking flights and accomodation and scheduling an appointment in Singapore- my first conversation with a Doctor to get his recommendation for my insurance company was unbelievable- I nearly cried with thankfulness for someone who was reassuring and helpful and asking me if I needed anything, in such contrast to the medical care I had received before and the response from the insurance company. Everyone at work was also extraordinarily helpful- they've done this quite a few times and it shows. The flurry over that day and a half trying to arrange everything while dark spots and discoloration increased on my leg was challenging, to say the least, but it also reminded me that I handle stress well (or at least internalize it really well : ) ) and it was an empowering experience to keep pushing and making sure all of the logistics were in place, while still trying to be calm and smiley. Meditations on how Indonesia cities and airports are not handicapped-friendly aside, I arrived in Singapore relatively calm and at ease, knowing I had friends here, a place to stay, metered taxis, world class hospitals, and so much more to make this experience easier for me.

Also, not only did I get my bandage changed yesterday, I also had a teeth cleaning and a hair cut, all after 2pm! Singapore is a marvel of efficiency! Today's goal is to get the bandage changed again and also to look into getting contacts. When I moved to Indonesia I had to resign myself to wearing glasses everyday and I would really be interested in not wearing glasses everyday, or at least having an option, and in the process getting over my fear of putting anything in my eye. If I can handle eating chicken feet and cow lungs and arranging a medical trip to Singapore I think I can handle putting contacts in. We'll see how it goes!

Time to go take a shower and marvel at my waterproof dressing- updates will follow!

Saint Patty's in stitches

2009-03-17T14:59:00.001+08:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Life is a bit slow these days, though it's bound to be when your mobility is compromised. Although I wish I could summon up the spirit to write a post on my exhilarating adventure that ended up in stitches and crutches, it's still marinating, or at least the lede is. In short, to go ahead and spoil my future post, I was riding my bike downhill, I fell, I had to get 7 stitches below my right knee, I've now had those stitches removed and I'm just taking it easy, changing bandages frequently and bemoaning my lost future as a leg model. All this time I was thinking post-Indonesia, I'm going to be a leg model, but now I guess I have to figure out a way to use my brain instead. Life is tough, I tell you.

You should not worry about me because a) I work for Doctors, b) I work for Doctors, c) My friends are amazing and d) My Mom's got it covered. There are some upsides to the situation since I have now had the opportunity to be inside two hospitals as a patient for the first time in my life outside of being born (one for stitches, one for changing bandage before my doctors took over) and this proves I'm an incredibly dedicated public health person working to improve health systems in Aceh since I'm getting some firsthand experience. Finally, it gave me an opportunity/excuse to watch the final season of Gilmore Girls again and spend some evenings chilling out with just me since believe it or not, my social calendar in Aceh has gotten to the point where I rarely have time to myself. Crazy. I am going through kopi withdrawal but I have promises from a friend to bring me both coffee and Javanese herbs to help one of my bruises get better, and who turns down a Javanese herbal treatment? Also, my Indonesian vocabularly has expanded to include words for: bandage, stitches, crutches, and swelling. (Fyi: Perban, jahitan, tongkat, gembong)

I am your brother best friend forever

2009-03-12T18:38:00.001+08:00

"I used to think Americans were serious and wise and didn't get very emotional... until I watched American Idol."

My friend Ricardo

I haven't watched any of it this year apart from one of the selection shows even though it's on TV 2-3 nights a week, but then again I try to avoid American Idol every year like the bad American I am who only pretends to like it when my blood is being taken and the nurse is asking me who I like best. Needless to say, even though I don't personally follow American Idol, I think it happens to be a nice slice of America- our crazies, our sweet stories, our varied backgrounds and aspirations- and I guess it goes a long way in proving to some that Americans can do emotional : )

I've been MIA for a bit since I was on a biking trip this weekend and haven't had much access to internet since, but daring tales to come!

Eating notes, an attempt to bring down Hitler

2009-02-27T15:23:00.006+08:00

The tap water is served warm so that you know it's been boiled first and because people think cold water makes you fat.

Eating ritual: rinsing off the spoon/spoon and fork/hands before enjoying a meal. Sometimes there are individual bowls with water or water and a piece of lime, other times it's a pitcher sitting in a bowl that you use to pour water over the cutlery. At the very least people grab a napkin to wipe off the spoons.

Most places have bags of krupuk on the table- assorted kinds of crackers made of cassava flour and fish/beef/chicken fat and deep fried. There are several kinds that taste exactly like Pork Rinds/chicharon, but don't tell that to Muslims, who do not eat pork.

At coffee shops the waiters put lots of little plates on the table, holding deep-fried bananas, deep-fried tofu, tempeh, cream puffs, white bread with a caramel-like spread... lots of finger foods to accompany your coffee. Sometimes there are doughnuts with chocolate sprinkles on top but friends will warn you that some people, who can't afford the doughnuts perhaps, will just take a lick and place back on the table, to be passed on to someone else.

There are lots of rumors about food, like that at some bakso places (salty broth with meatballs) you can find underwear at the bottom of the pot. Who knows about the veracity, but rumors are fascinating and reveal plenty in and of themselves.

***

Unrelated to food, last night I engaged in a bit of mini-advocacy but feel convinced that I was unconvincing. At the local popular Intense Audio, home to plenty of DVDs and CDs, there is a picture of Adolf Hiter on the wall between John Lennon and Bob Marley. I have a friend boycotting this establishment because of said poster, so I thought I might as well give a whirl at asking them to take it down. My efforts went something like this, only far more nonsensical-

"Hi, may I ask a small thing? Sorry my Indonesian is not yet fluent. Maybe you could remove the poster of Adolf Hitler from the wall? You know, because he is full of hate and murdered a lot of people. Ya... maybe Ibu could ask her boss. Ok. Thanks!"

All the way over there my heart was pounding, wracking my brain for the right words, the right way to ask without offending or making it seem accusatory- you know, the Asian way to smilingly ask someone to take down a poster of one of the most unquestionably evil-doing people of our time. I'm proud of the "full of hate" line- didn't think that that was what was going to come out of my stutters, but I'm not sure it did anything. Still, worth a try, and maybe others will join the chorus who can do a better job at explaining why it's offensive. Apparently there is also a Hitler poster at the "24" hour internet cafe in case the first campaign is successful I can try my hand at the internet cafe! I've already posted an Osama bin Laden poster in sight on this blog, but I'm not touching that one : )

Photo credit: Pillars by me

time for a haircut

2009-02-25T16:57:00.002+08:00

Helen at the United Nations

2009-02-24T11:41:00.001+08:00

I'm not entirely sure why, but today brought back memories of my first real experience with the UN and …

We were only 18 and we had 80s-looking name tags that granted us access to the inner chambers (or at least one of them) of the UN. We saw firsthand the furniture that hadn't been replaced in fifty years, the old tape room that still provided audio copies on tapes. The TV screen was on some Pakistan vs. Indian controversy. Maybe nuke trials. There was a roped off smoking area right next to the chambers… maybe that's changed now that New York has tighter legislation? We took a woman to a hospital and called our parents to find out what you are supposed to do if you bring someone to a hospital. We saw people getting arrested outside the emergency room. I think. We met a charming man from Morocco and made friends with our Kinkos men. Thanks be to Jose. We had to purchase a second cart to wheel our boxes of printed newsletters into the U.N. after the first broke. I believe we named her Hedwig?

It was an Ad Hoc Committee Meeting on Disability, which I won't try to explain, suffice to say that we reveled in the intrigue, in the last minute policy changes, in the meetings of various NGOs that were trying to establish a common advocacy, the ones who were grumbled to have too much influence. We were a few feet away from Kofi Annan. We loved a crazy Hungarian woman who had lived in Yemen in a house everyone else thought was haunted. Her neighbors threw trash into her yard. She threw it back. We met men and women with disabilities who were advocates coming from all over the world. One woman fell in her bathroom one night, forgetting that she no longer had a leg while trying to step on it. I scrambled to talk to a delegate from Serbia so I could say "Dobro jutro gospodine." I read Queen Noor's biography and dreamed of Jordan. I met men from the Middle East who planted a seed in me. I learned about the campaign to ban landmines. And it's success! I learned what a white paper was. I learned that the UN has crazy bureaucracy and badly needed more than just a facelift. I learned that what the UN does matters, but it wastes a lot of paper in the process. I wonder if my next four years at college were partly working so that I might have the opportunity to be there again one day. Of course those two weeks also taught me a lot about how I might not want to be back there one day. I haven't put that internship on my resume in a long time… it was five years ago, right? But if we could really put down what experiences had shaped us on our resumes, they would look a lot different.

How can you explain what it means to hear someone ululate for the first time or chase a blind man down the streets of New York City, only to find he doesn't need you? It doesn't seem like absorbing two weeks of U.N. gossip should count as something you've accomplished either… but putting together the pieces is invaluable. So now Anny is a Peace Corps Volunteer in Morocco and I'm over here in Indonesia. Once we saw the world in the smoky, outdated and maddening inner chambers of the United Nations we couldn't see it the same way again. Correct me if I'm wrong, Anny, but that was one heck of a ride.

Malaysia smaysia

2009-02-18T19:10:00.001+08:00

I have more passport stamps from Malaysia than any other country but all I've seen is the Low Cost Carrier Terminal more times than I care to remember and the view at late night or early morning riding into the city to spend a night in a cheap hostel before returning to the airport. In about a month or so, however, I am going to take advantage of the gloriously cheap Air Asia fares from Banda Aceh to KL ( USD 30 - 90 roundtrip depending on deals) and see Selena, my wonderful friend from Manila, since she's going to be there for a month with a friend. Weee! We're turning into the baddest ASEAN girls around, I think. I was all ready to buy the ticket today but I had to hold my horses and I need to figure out work schedules and get permission from my boss first, naturally, but clearly I'm excited. I'm so glad I'm still in Asia!

Malaysia is one of those countries that I'm not sure I would have believed was a real country not too many years ago (sorry Malaysia) but it must be hard to compete for South East Asian attention when you've got the likes of Thailand! Vietnam! Singapore! and of course, the fabulous Indonesia, many of whose citizens grumble that Malaysia steals aspects of their culture (really it's about the marketing, I think) and is not as cool. It's probably just because they are jealous Malaysia has better job opportunities and a sweet light rail. I'm looking forward to actually getting to see parts of the city during the day time (Islamic Arts Museum! Petronas Towers!) and practice saying my vowels with a Malaysian pronunciation (Indonesian and Malaysian are essentially the same language, though increasingly divergent) and have an excuse to be dorky about following Malaysian opposition politics. No apologies for the nerdy.

Other things planned for my trip: buy more nice but modest tops for work that are common to Malaysia/Indonesia, engage in some medical tourism and try to get a physical or teeth checkup, contacts is probably overly ambitious.

Time to go make some lentils and catch up on my letter-writing after a slew of letters/packages coming in from my brother, mom, Aunt Diane and Aunt Carol Ann, Grammy, Will, Selena, Jane and Rachael. You guys have no idea how exciting it is when I get letters from you!

Red and Pink Day

2009-02-16T12:24:00.000+08:00

Happy belated Red and Pink day! Despite there being nothing
particularly Valentine-y about February 14th here, I still wore pink
and gave out candy hearts over the weekend that my mom had sent me. I
also watched the first half of Titanic on tv, Annie didn't trust me
when I told her I was only going to watch the "first tape" and leave
when the ship started sinking, but I only like the gushy love stuff
and not the scary underwater stuff. Back in the days when we only had
tapes Titanic was most certainly a two-tape video, like Sound of Music
and Anne of Green Gables, other Helen-favorites. : )

On Saturday night we had an all-girls sleepover and ate lots of food
and watched episodes of a Korean tv show called Coffee Prince,
involving a girl who looks like a boy who gets hired by another guy to
pretend to be his boyfriend so that he can make all the women his
mother and grandmother try to set him up with run away...complicated,
especially with only Indonesian subtitles, but it was funny girl time
and far better than any Koreanovela I saw in Manila. I love Asia.

Weekend account + ghost stories

2009-02-09T13:11:00.003+08:00

The weekend...

Trapped inside by rain on Saturday led to painting, decorating my
room, singing Indonesian pop songs to myself and writing letters
before taking advantage of a break in the rain to bike to get coffee
with friends. Later we attended a Pirate-themed expat party and
engaged in some dancing that would have been better if international
parties didn't mean the presence of too many techno lovers. Although
tempted to hijack the itunes and put in some more danceable tracks I
held back- even though I saw the massive Ray Charles collection from
the screen and wanted to show those Australian surfers excuse me,
Somali pirates, that "What'd I Say" is pretty top notch dancing music
and could be followed pretty nicely by some Missy Elliott.

Sunday morning I slept in until getting up so I could go to Funland
with the bestest 8 year old in town (Annie's hostbrother- he calls me
Kak Helen - older sister Helen, I'm all melty inside) to play arcade
games and bumper cars! Then I spent time perusing through teenage
literature on how to be Gaul and Shari'ia at the same time- i.e. cool
and within Shari'ia law, I suppose- perhaps I should have picked it up
to practice my Bahasa. A two-hour massage later (yes- two hours! for 7
bucks!) I biked over to celebrate a friend's birthday at the Malaysian
food place that doubles as a bikers' hangout most nights. If it's your
birthday (at least in this crowd) you can expect to get raw eggs or
cake or sand (whatever is available) smashed on your head or clothes,
which also tends to result in retaliation and ultimately in about 30
friends standing around suspiciously. One day I hope we'll have a
full-on food fight, in the meantime it's fun to hide behind taller
friends and try to avoid getting frosting on your face.

This is a bit ridiculous to ask 4 months in, but why can't I be fluent
in Indonesian now? I alternate between being super excited about how much
I already understand and can chat about to being so frustrated at being
surrounded by unbelievably cool people that I can't always communicate
with. I was on the receiving end of some ghost stories last night
before attempts to explain things in words that were understood by both parties required us to give up.

There are a lot of ghosts in Indonesia. I learned about two different
kinds of female ghosts last night- one is the spirit of a pregnant
woman who died while giving birth, the other is a mean ghost with a
bloody hole in her back from domestic abuse. I think all of us wish I
could tell you more... just more incentive to keep studying, I
suppose.

Joining the conversation

2009-02-05T18:16:00.001+08:00

Since Sunday afternoon I've had a visitor! My friend Sarah, who I know
from UGA and who has been teaching English in China, added Aceh to her
Chinese New Year trip through South East Asia. I've had a great week
and it's been so much fun hanging out with her and taking her around
the city and introducing her to my friends. I warned her that life
wasn't exactly exciting here, and that eating and drinking coffee and
hanging out was about as much as I could offer her in terms of things
to do. All the same, I think it's fair to say that you can learn a lot
and experience a great deal simply spending time with people from the
area and doing simple things- often coming away with more than just
seeing a series of tourist attractions (though those have their place
of course!)

I was delighted (though not surprised) at how effortlessly and
beautifully my Indonesian friends welcomed her into the fold, and
pleased again last night when a touring Egyptian girl and her German
boyfriend were passing through and I invited them to dinner and
coffee. How do I express the feeling of leaning back and looking at
multiple conversations happening around me and not feeling any stress
or worry over making sure my friends felt accommodated- the sense of
ease and delight that they were getting to talk to wonderful and
interesting people?

Every night that Sarah was here we had consistent go-to friends to
spend the evenings with. The numbers and faces varied slightly every
night, but I was so pleased that she got to know the people that I
consider my community here and hear stories and ask questions to
really get a sense that she's visiting Aceh and Indonesia, not just
coming to a place where her friend is. This was her first time in a
predominately Muslim place, so the calls to prayer and visit to Masjid
Raya and meeting lots of Muslim men and women was, I think, a
significant part of the experience. If you've followed my blog since
the time of Helen in Morocco it's probably no surprise that I take
great joy whenever anyone newly experiences Islam or Muslims and can
add faces and conversations to their experiences.

Although this may not be true, I do not anticipate any other friends
or family visiting me while I'm here, so apart from the fact that I
was really excited to see Sarah for herself, I was also glad I could
experience sharing with someone I know what living here is like and
why I've grown to really like it. Many a night my conversations are
full of stories and superstitions, explanations of words, tales of
life in Indonesia both in Aceh and on islands far from here, of
conflict and police, of aspirations and interests. The best way to
know what that is like is to be part of the conversation : )

Jump for joy for tempeh burgers

2009-01-31T18:11:00.005+08:00

I'm sitting on a mat woven by a women's cooperative in a vegetarian/vegan (?) restaurant that also has free wifi and displays environmental literature. Nasa langit na. I'm in heaven!

This is a fairly new restaurant, but I hope other people love tempeh burgers on whole grain bread with fresh veggies and limited use of salt and sugar as much as I do : ) It's a 45 minute bike ride from my house, farther than most places I frequent but a nice opportunity for exercise and well-worth it for healthy and yummy food!

This is the first weekend since I've been back that I'm not going on a long bike ride, but it's nice to have a day of relaxing and painting and tempeh burgers

Bensin

2009-01-28T13:00:00.001+08:00

Before going up the steep hill to Mata Ie we stopped for gas at one of the ubiquitous road side shelters advertising bensin (gas). A rusted tin can with a handle was dipped into the larger tin can and two and half of these smaller cans were poured into a watering can with a red hose attached. While the gas was being poured I looked behind the bensin stand and saw a woman take out change from a green melamine tea pot.

A different bensin stand near the big mosque downtown

I am here. I love my city.

2009-01-27T12:45:00.001+08:00

I have a shirt that features a map of Indonesia on the front with a line pointing to Banda Aceh that reads "You are here." On the back is a small circle under the collar with the words "I love my city." When I first got this shirt I loved the design and fully agreed with the front; yes, I am here, but the back? Love? My city? Not so fast…

I was supposed to go see some orangutans for the three day weekend (holiday for Chinese New Year) but some last minute work and more crucially a last minute return of a cold I'd been struggling to get rid of all week convinced me that perhaps I should take the weekend to rest. On Monday, after my third night of 12 hour sleep (haven't been that indulgent in months and months and months!) I was awoken by a text message from a friend… "Helen mau masak?" Would Helen like to cook? Before I knew it I was with a group of 10 heading to the same spot I biked to last weekend, only this time we were going to build a fire and cook together. Before turning down the road we stopped to get the chicken. Two chickens were taken out of their tight quarters in the coop and killed and de-feathered in the back. Shortly afterwards they were brought out front and placed on the table where we watched the intestines and other entrails being taken out, washed and set aside. My friend Piva wondered why Acehnese people don't care for these parts of the chicken in the same way the Javanese do. She explained the process of killing chicken that was hidden from us in the back room since she had done this herself many times throughout her life. Our butcher chopped up our chicken for us and a familiar sight began to emerge- the raw leg and thigh, the breast, only no Styrofoam, plastic wrap and barcode before checkout.

About 45 minutes later we were at a small dam next to a cave and everyone began gathering firewood. The large banana leaves were brought over and fanned over the fire first so that they would not tear as easily once the chicken was put inside. We squeezed margarine from a bag onto the chicken, adding salt and lime juice before wrapping the banana leaves up and putting the packet onto the coals. Unfortunately we had not made the packet thick enough and ended up with the chicken on the ground in the fire, but we fashioned two rotisserie-style stakes from thick stems and put them on rocks over the fire. This was to be the ultimately successful preparation of chicken and we all stood watching the juices sizzle before plopping down and eating the chicken on another banana leaf with sweet soy sauce, hot sauce and tomatoes. The dirt was the secret ingredient for our delicious meal! We also ate bananas that we had roasted in the fire- thick bananas that would never be at home in a Dole plantation- delicious starchy and sweet bananas warm and lightly caramelized from the flames.

After lunch we continued to the beach and after finishing our young coconuts we lay down in the sand as the sun began to set. Although I was fully prepared to go swimming the sand was too comfortable and before I knew it it was already time to go home. I showered at home and then biked downtown to eat dinner. Many places were closed for Chinese New Year so we ended up at A&W, an American-style chain with hamburgers and French fries and milkshakes. I didn't want French fries, I wanted something substantial- I wanted rice! I'd much rather be able to buy a freshly killed chicken, make a fire wherever I want, use banana leaves and eat regular food on the side of a road than do the equivalent in the US, with plastic-wrapped food and regulations on campfires and fluorescent fast food restaurants.

I am here and I love my city.

Making choices, having patience

2009-01-16T15:23:00.001+08:00

Another good week for Helen! Wednesday night we had an All-America night with some American Idol, Step Up 2 (so much better than the first one!!), Macaroni and Cheese, microwave popcorn, chocolate candy and then 8 girls dancing around my house and singing karaoke with Tiza, my fabulous roommate, on the guitar. After the evening Annie called for a debrief so we could be excited about how splendid the evening was and she confirmed that she had asked if dancing was against Shariah law and it isn't so phew, no sin promotion last night. In slight last-minute anxiety on Wednesday I learned I should alert the security and the security manager for all of SC in Indonesia ended up knowing that there were going to be 7-8 girls over at my house that evening. It was ok (as long as no boys, they said, which I knew anyway) and no problems but a reminder to add security to my list of items requiring foresight. In addition to making sure someone was bringing Step Up 2 and that we had butter for the mac n' cheese, securing permission with all the right people was very important.

Thursday night was yoga + yummy soup and coffee with the PiAers. I keep running into people that I know from biking (small town!!) and even though I can't remember everyone's name I feel warm inside as the connections start to multiply. I recently submitted my three-month report for PiA (three months, seriously? On my half-birthday no less. 23.5, here I am) I wrote many pages about life in Aceh and all of it's crazy contradictions, my work and so forth. One of the questions was about what was the most surprising thing for me here. I wrote that I expected it to be 'harder', though my expectation reveals a superficial idea about what that meant, envisioning a far less luxurious living situation and more work in the rural areas- unaware that Banda Aceh had developed so much in the past few years and that my job would be so office-based.

And yet, despite so many things being far easier than I imagined they would be (amazing living situation, great PiAers with good connections, yoga class, opportunities to bike, English-dominated workplace, colleagues used to working with Westerners, etc.) I was surprised that it would still be so difficult for me to adjust here, that I still wasn't sure exactly how I ended up in Aceh and if I really wanted to be here, in spite of all the reasons I seemed to have to be immediately happy and engaged from the start. I tend to like to make things difficult for myself, but too often it's because I want a situation to inspire me to tackle situations and environments and challenges that I try my best to avoid if not forced into it. Perhaps I run to the developing world because I'm afraid of being eaten up by the developed world, of surrounding myself with people like me, of living in nice places full of liberal hippies and caring so much about stuff, of being swept away by a power suit life (if liberal hippies and power suits can co-exist ;) ). I can't run away from myself, though, which is the disappointing realization you have when you're in a place where you're all you've got. I know my weaknesses better than I'd like to know them. That being said, feeling worthless and purposeless and friendless is a pretty good place to start from (as long as you don't stay stuck there forever : ) ) When you don't feel so hot your logical brain saying "you've done this, you'll do it again" doesn't help very much, but when you start to feel the elation that comes from small victories and the convergence of good in your life, you begrudgingly appreciate what you started with, if only because it binds you that much more to the place you are in, the people you are surrounded with and the work you are doing. If you were writing a six-month report on day one you might not say "hallelujah! I'm writing a six-month report" when you do, if you meet all of the coolest people in a place at the very beginning (though several is certainly nice, especially if Annie is one of them) you might not love your new friends with a ferocity that comes from knowing how much you've searched to meet someone like this (ex: Selena!)

My temporary roommate Tiza, who I mentioned above, said a very wise thing a few days before I went home for the break. We were walking through my peaceful neighborhood, marshes on either side of us and a clear sky overhead. She said life was about making choices, having patience and dealing with the consequences. Simple, yes, but the insertion of patience in the middle reminded me we have to let things breathe a little bit- Asia has given me growing patience with others but I still need a little more for myself. I think as humans we 'learn' the same things over and over, I certainly feel that way, but I'm still hopeful that we can stretch ourselves a little bit more each time and take comfort in the resilience that has been gifted to the human race.

Thank you for allowing me to share the journey with you! Just as last January marked a shift in my experience in the Philippines, I sense the same thing happening now and for that Al Hamdu Lilah.

The return of giddy me

2009-01-12T13:44:00.001+08:00

I think that Helen just arrived in Aceh. I'm not 100 percent sure, because I'm very acquainted with frequent highs and lows, but I'm feeling positively giddy and have mid-week plans for Step Up: 2 and macaroni and cheese with my gals, which can't be anything but the best Wednesday night I've had in a long time.

This weekend was relaxing and reflexology for two hours (sigh) and good food and Juno and then more good food with Burmese colleagues and then sleeping at 8:30 pm on a Saturday and waking up to go on a full-day biking trip to the beach! with 60+ other bikers! We biked through rice fields and neighborhoods and slowed down to pass by the big Palestine flags where men with boxes were collecting money for Palestine (for aid efforts for jihadis for who? through what?) and little kids jumping up and down yelling ayo! ayo! (go! go!) and stopping traffic and cleaning the beach and making new friends and grinning constantly and whew....

I know this is a less-than-satisfactory way to describe the first? second? best day in Aceh (the other one involved biking too : ) ) but I'm still caught up in all of the moments. The day ended in a dinner at a Malaysian restaurant where the bikers hang out all the time (will that include me at some point?). There were about 20 of us celebrating a birthday and I had more time to get to know some of the others. Most of them are Indonesian and maybe 1/2- 3/4 not from Aceh but here working for the aid organizations too. These are my people! Sigh. This is really too much to handle. Can I tell you how nice it was to be boy girl girl boy and no problems talking and a mix of Indonesian and English and good food and excitement at possibilities for things to come and being glad that Indonesians are now taking to Facebook like wildfire too?

All of that to say that it was a busy weekend, but full of the things you want busy weekends to be full of- friends, relaxing, good food, adventure, and joy!

Finally, because I know everyone out there is wondering if I kept to my public promise, I did read and translate those four pages of Twilight from Bahasa Indonesian to Bahasa Inggris. Not translating per se, just using the dictionary enough so that I could understand. I didn't want to disppoint you so I finished this morning over breakfast before coming to work. I have left the protagonist worried about going to a new school where noone knows her and she'll be an orang aneh (weird/awkward person). I feel you, Bella. I'm an orang aneh myself most of the time, but this weekend may be a sign that I won't be feeling it as acutely from here on out.

Personal pats on the back: ego tripping on black beans and barley

2009-01-09T14:31:00.001+08:00

Today is the end of my first week back in Indonesia. It's been a pretty happy week, outside of one emo journal entry and email to Hannah. That's a pretty good week, I'd say, especially coming off of the highs of vacation. There has been nothing specific, really, only I'm trying to give myself good points for good decisions instead of focusing on my disappointments with myself and beating myself up while continuing to be lame. Hopefully over time the celebration of smaller actions and changes will create a happier and healthier Helen who is doing her best to be present! A few of my personal high fives to myself:

Go Helen for waking up at 7 every morning and having time to eat breakfast (yogurt + muesli + honey - another good point) and drink tea while watching news before biking to work at 8:15. Usually I wake up and leave at the last minute possible...
Go Helen for any efforts to limit eating all of the sweets and snacks that come my way at work (notice that I'm not pretending to avoid everything, just say no/eat less of a few more things).
Go Helen for evenings without tv (or only news and not fluff).
Go Helen for cooking the black bean and barley stew and eating a healthy dinner 3/5 of the working week.
Go Helen for the bike ride I took last night just to enjoy the weather and get a little exercise.

Time and time again you realize that you are the only one who is really going to care about you and you are the only one who can really make any changes to make yourself happier, more productive, etc. As someone who spent too much time in 4th grade willing people to come sit next to me instead of me make efforts to join them at the lunch table, I have a tendency to do a little sulking and be sorry for myself before sucking it up. But that game is so 4th grade and I'm now 4th grade plus a lot, which means it's unacceptable. This also coincides with the passage of three months, which is generally a turning point in and of itself.

In potentially related news, I've copied a few pages of the Twilight book that's become a craze world wide and I'm going to try to read it in Indonesian. Or at least the first chapter. Or at least the four pages that I copied today. One step at a time. I'm not so keen on reading it in and of itself, but a lot of my friends in the office are reading it and I might as well bend to social pressure and practice my Indonesian. (Practicing Indonesian would be a major Go Helen)

Why can't chess be allowed in daylight too?

2009-01-06T18:59:00.001+08:00

Two stories, the first a translated summary from a story in Serambi (Daily newspaper in Aceh) from January 5th that I got in an office email, so I'm not sure who to give credit to but I hope it's ok to share. I have plenty of other clips, tales of wild elephant attacks, brothers killing brothers, floods, earthquakes, protests... but for now we'll leave it at tales of chess and tight clothes. The second story is from an English language newspaper and I've directly quoted from the first paragraph. Apparently even jihadis need permission slips.

Ulama in Kota Langsa ask not to 'play' at Sharia Islam implementation - Waspada

Aceh Timur – Tengku Syech Muhajir Usman Basyah, head of HUDA (Ulama Dayah Association) Kota Langsa urges all people to be more serious in implementing Sharia Islam. He asks for all activity that is against Sharia Law should be prohibited. "Bands or keyboard shows are prohibited at night, but in daylight are allowed," he said. Tgk. Muhajir said that based on the Ulama HUDA agreement events or activities that are prohibited are: Band shows, dominos, chess, the transvestite community, tight clothes and unmarried couples aren't allowed in cafés or to go riding on a motorbike together.

Also, from the Jakarta Globe, "Muslim Groups Plan to Send Jihad Fighters, Voluntary Workers to Aid Gaza 'Brothers'" 5 Jan 09. Click through to read the whole article, it's not just about jihadis; humanitarian workers are also being mobilized, but thought you would find this interesting. Last line I've copied is a winner.

"The Aceh chapter of the Islamic Defenders Front, or FPI, will recruit Muslims to fight in Palestine, chairman Yusuf Al-Qardhany said. "The recruitment of jihadis to Palestine will start [today]," he said. "At present, 13 applicants wishing to become jihad fighters have already registered." Speaking from Banda Aceh, Yusuf said that at least 60 fighters from Aceh would go to Palestine via Egypt. Prior to their dispatch, they would receive a week-long military training in Aceh, he said.Registration for potential recruits would be open for two weeks.

…

All applicants would have to fill out a form which included parental approval for them to go to Palestine, he said."

I had two helpings of collards, just to be sure

2009-01-05T18:04:00.001+08:00

Safely back in Banda A after another 48 hour journey. Whew. My knees get so cranky but it was nice to feel comfortable with all of the airports I was traveling through and know I had a home at the end of it. A fellow PiA friend from Singapore was on my long haul flight and I recognized 4 friends on the final flight into Indonesia. Makes a girl feel real good. I also had plenty of NPR podcasts to keep me going- Lars had his second podcast in a year (Go Lars!). Host Bob Boilen talked over a lot of the more experimental tracks, probably wondering if any All Songs Considered fans like the music Lars does. I liked nearly all of it, and Lars did a great job, though naturally the White Album at 40 podcast was my favorite. Annie had already shared the chief revelation (While My Guitar Gently Weeps solo was an uncredited Eric Clapton and not the greatest guitar solo George Harrison ever recorded), but I enjoy every excuse to hear the Beatles, especially that tremendous album.

In other news, home was fantastic, of course. A flurry of two weeks full of love. I saw nearly all of my best friends from high school for the first time in many moons and a few college friends stopped by on their way up north. I did some extra hugging and snuggling to store up for my more or less hug-free existence. I also packed 10 kilos worth of food stuffs to bring back, eschewing junk food for hippie grains to prepare for fun cooking times ahead. Heirloom Red Inca Quinoa! Israeli Couscous! Millet! Pearled Barley and Hard Red Winter Wheat! Obviously you're reading the words of a girl who is a food nerd and a nostalgic vegetarian who overdoses on white rice.

After realizing that last years' New Years did not include the standard collard green/blackeyed pea/cornbread/ham dinner (so that's why I only had income for half the year...) this year everyone at the table dug in with added vigor. Here's hoping for a more prosperous 2009 for us all. I put as much vinegar, salt and pepper, onions and ketchup on my meal as I could to hide the taste, but even I, Helen the Collard-Hater, had two servings. Actually I find them tolerable now, but that doesn't have the same oomph. Big hugs to all of my friends and family that I got to see, and those that I hope to see soon.

This morning I was offered water from Mecca and a date, this afternoon my co-worker brought a handful of kaffir leaves into the office (Leaves used in Thai and SE Asian cuisine) from a tree in the backyard of our office. I biked alongside carabaos (cows) coming up on the road from the marsh on my way to work today, their earthy smell overwhelming me and jolting me awake from my jet lag. The mosque's early call to prayer did the same, though in a few nights I will sleep through it again. Into the routine comes the unexpected (a wish for the New Year, a piece of green), and the reminder that the things I get used to (calls to prayer, cycling with animals) are special too.

2008 was... biggest carbon footprint ever, falling in love with a difficult city, Catholics, Evangelicals, Buddhists, Muslims, dance, inspiration to create more art, struggling to stay motivated, new passport pages, rice, reunions, sun crazy, exploration, starting over, confusion, new friendships, steady friendships, brothers growing up, missing loved ones, moving too fast or staying too still, hibernating, hair growing out, heat, foray into coffee, other firsts, waning optimism, eternal hope.

2009 will be... more of the same? (Really means more of new)

Happy New Year to all of my friends and family. Thank you for sharing 2008 with me in person and through this blog, may 2009 be the best one yet.

I believe I'll go back home

2008-12-19T18:51:00.001+08:00

My brother told me he wished I was coming home a day earlier so he wouldn't miss as much of the epic Panthers game that's happening on Sunday night. I wish I was coming home a day earlier too! Flying to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow after moving my things into a new guest house, spending the night there and then beginning the long haul on Sunday. Strange to be going back home so soon after I got here- it's only been 2 months and change, but looking forward to being at home for Christmas and not being lonely and blue watching bad Christmas movies on tv. I have to say, though, that if there is a place you should be in Christmas season if you aren't going to spend Christmas with your loved ones, I would highly recommend a predominately Islamic area. Tropical countries are also beneficial for losing sense of seasons, especially cold ones! I'll have to start my crash course in Advent tomorrow to get in the Christmas spirit... I have a feeling it won't be very hard : ) My skin is already peeling from the sunburn I got last weekend, it doesn't know it's got a huge drop in humidity and heat to deal with as well, but I'd say we're pretty resilient, especially when sweaters and scarves are involved.

Cookie parties and dinner parties and baking and tree-related activities and singing and holding hands and Helen hugs and tea time and suburbia and questions and 21st birthday parties and loved ones and more loved ones.

See you in the States!

The 'go the other way' instinct

2008-12-19T18:34:00.001+08:00

Heart beating even while laying in bed. Biking home from Dylan's house on the road next to the Tsunami museum that they are building. Two guys on a motorbike in front of us slow down and turn around. Annie and I immediately go on alert, used to this being a sign we're about to get harassed, but they go on their way and soon we slow down to a policeman directing traffic. It's later than we anticipated being out. 10:30pm. A large truck passes that I take to be some sort of construction vehicle, but as we pass the policeman we realize why the boys on the motorbike turned around. We're riding past five or six huge army tanks painted in camouflage with leering military men inside saying things to us I think we're glad we didn't understand. Big guns. A mantra of a curse word under my breath keeps me focused and peddling. I didn't have a sense that something was going to happen to us, but military tanks with guns and scary men inside create the intimidation that they intend. Annie remarked something to the effect that we obviously hadn't been in a conflict area long enough to have the immediate 'go the other way' instinct.

File under: I love my bike and epic adventures

2008-12-15T19:33:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I biked between 35-45 kilometers, the longest I've ever biked before! Weee! My last two years at school I biked everyday but never went on any long treks, but I think this might be changing! The group was a breakaway from another bike club in Aceh (at this point we think there are at least three- how awesome is that?) and altogether we were 4 girls and 3 guys on bikes and two more on a motorbike following us. We met around 8am and set off, stopping for breakfast at a canteen and continuing to ride along the west coast. After we got past the outskirts of the city we were riding alongside the beach. It was beautiful and sunny, thank goodness, and mostly flat. The road, which we call the USAID road (being rebuilt by the United States Agency for International Development: Aid from the American People) is full of potholes (can you still call holes potholes if it's not fully paved?) but maybe one of these years they will finally finish it. Right after we had biked up and over the only major hill I said to Annie that something wasn't quite right with my bike, referring to the issues my bike has changing gears, but moments later we were surprised to see my entire left pedal come off (along with the metal part that connects it to the bike).

Now before continuing my story you have to know something. Annie and I have twin bikes. We got our bikes at the same time from the same store with the same helmets and the same lights. When we returned a second time to upgrade our lights and get back lights and bells we got the same things (again) except her bell is purple and mine is orange. The folks at Toko Serikat thought we were actually sisters. Now that we also have matching Aceh shirts we are waiting for the day to have a ridiculous photo op of our 'kambar' bikes (twin bikes). Apparently our bikes are not just twins in the good times but also in the bad. First it was the right pedal. Mine fell off in front of my house, Annie's fell off in a major intersection by my house within a few days of each other. Yesterday, our bikes reached a new level of connection when Annie's left pedal fell off within a span of 20 minutes after mine had. Lesser bike companions might have thought this was a major convenience or that we shouldn't be part of the gang anymore, but our fellow bikers jumped at the challenges and I think honestly enjoyed our adventure. We had a set of tools, but weren't really sure how to use them or how to reconnect my pedal, but the process of trying and strategizing how to get to a Doorsmeer (carwash/mechanic- love the name!) was honestly great. We eventually got them fixed and were on our way again, quickly moving off the road through forested terrain next to the mountains, biking through huge muddy puddles in the ruts left behind by other cars and motorbikes. (On the way back we saw monkeys!)

We arrived at our destination around lunchtime- a clearing with a dammed river. I forgot my camera but hopefully I can put some of Annie's photos up with her permission. We washed our hands off in the river current and sat down to eat chicken or shrimp with rice with our hands, feet in the cold water and huge grins on our faces. Although I had determined not to go swimming it wasn't long before I was in the water- "just to the waist" and then all the way in once splashing wars commenced. Almost immediately after we had arrived another group of bikers appeared, one of my coworkers and some others from the Atjeh Biking Community were leading a group of Junior and Senior High Schoolers that are part of a "Bike to School" Group. I was psyched about that and had dreams of helping lead some all-girl empowerment rides in the future : )

Around 2:30 or 3pm we started heading back, pedals intact and our spirits still high. We had to pull over for awhile once it started pouring (note to self: bring raincoat back to Aceh), but it cleared up and we were able to make it back to the city and plop down at Chek Yukee, a famous coffee shop for cool people like us, around 6pm. I guess Annie's bike was a little tired of being the twin to break after mine, so while cycling to Chek Yukee her handlebars started coming loose. I guess I know what's next!

All in all, my bike ride was the best possible thing to happen the week before returning home for Christmas- it gives me confidence that the best is yet to come here in Aceh. One of my 2009 resolutions? Learn how to repair bicycles.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

2008-12-11T10:07:00.003+08:00

I love my mommy.

Before Sharia law there was the....

2008-12-10T18:31:00.002+08:00

Peace indicator?

2008-12-10T18:08:00.005+08:00

When kids stop getting guns for holiday presents?

Chocolate batter and sheep's blood

2008-12-09T17:22:00.003+08:00

My weekend involved two sessions of chocolate cake batter eating (minus the eggs, mom). Must I say more? Many hours of lazing around and watching tv shows and movies with Annie, plus plenty of indulgent eating- two meals involved feta- feta!! Also, stretching and meditation and painting- my soul rejoices.

It was a three day weekend because yesterday was Eid-ul-Adha (Festival of Sacrifice), the second biggest Muslim holiday, a day commemorating Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son to God and marked by the sacrifice of cows and goats by families who can afford to. The meat is then shared with the community, especially the poor. Eid-ul-Adha takes place approximately 70 days after the end of Ramadan and coincides with the completion of the Hajj by Muslim pilgrims in Saudi Arabia. The day before the sacrificing Muslims fast for a day and at night we could hear recitation of a few lines for hours in a call and response between the Imam and a chorus of young children. Loved it! I like this holiday because although it is not celebrated by Jews or Christians, it commemorates an event shared by all three religions.

We went biking around for a couple hours yesterday to put an end to some of our laziness and see the sights. Similar to my experience with my mom at the end of Ramadan in Cairo, it is a mistake to assume that a religious holiday leaves teenagers and young adults of the male variety feeling more pious and respectful than usual. I know that slowness to anger is a good virtue, but it’s not one that I felt or practiced yesterday. At the end of the year if I haven’t been permanently turned into an uncompromising advocate for women’s rights then I will be deeply ashamed of myself. Efforts to withhold a rant aside, I am lucky to be surrounded by some great strong women who fight for their rights and others’ everyday. Sunday night’s conversation between me and three other women around my kitchen table ranged from conflict and peace-building to sexual harassment to terrorism to poop. It was incredible and I hope there are many more conversations like it to come!

My neighborhood mosque goes above and beyond its five times a day commitment often and from the hours of 5:30- 10 pm there is frequent recitation of the Koran. However, when I heard it this morning around 8 I was a little surprised. I pulled out onto the road to head to work and saw that I would need to detour since the slaughtering was happening in front of the mosque and on the side of the road. Apparently the sacrificing can go on for three days, not just on the day itself. This is something I had wanted to see and was bummed that in our laziness we didn’t see any of the actual events taking place yesterday, but after seeing knives taken to the cows and a goat hanging from a line by its hoof I guess you could say I channeled my inner vegetarian and sped off to work. Annie has some pictures from last year in Turkey - this is the first in a great series and explains her more intimate experience with the sacrificing. Anny wrote about her experience with Eid-el-Kebir (same holiday, different name- the big holiday!) last year as well and even has a three minute video! So do not content yourself with mediocrity and experience the fullness of description, both written and visual, from two lovely ladies in Turkey and Morocco.

Selamat Hari Idul Raya to my teman teman dari Indonesia and Muslim friends.

Still others winked at me...

2008-12-05T10:11:00.002+08:00

Photography Workshop Pics

2008-12-05T09:59:00.002+08:00

So, what a nice Bin Laden photo you have there....

trying to translate the guide ahead of time : )

The rain gave us a break this afternoon

2008-12-04T20:04:00.003+08:00

This afternoon might have been the most fun I've had here yet. We had a photography workshop today, and although I didn't get too many of the details since it was conducted entirely in Indonesian, the afternoon two hour practice session downtown was wonderful. I was with my gaggle of girls (not geese...) and we strolled through the market and down side streets, attracting plenty of attention, most kind, and it was nice to not feel so conspicuous since we were all conspicuous together. I almost forgot where I was and realized I've still done a poor job of getting to know where I live. How could I have missed walking around downtown and through the main market? But at least I have no more excuses for not including pictures in my post since I took about 300 of them today. I don't know that half are worthy of posting but I have a few that I am proud of. I felt really light and happy this afternoon, at home with my friends and at home skipping around and enjoying our frequent stops at good locations or to get a bag of sweet and cold iced tea. At that particular stop I ran across the road having seen the first signs of anything resembling street art here- the crumbling building with trash and scattered items along the edges and insides displayed to the world looked like somewhere I would want to set up a studio. The light inside wouldn't be any good (never seems to be in buildings here) but it's my favorite kind of space! The spaces that are settling back into the earth. Pictures of that to follow, but first...

Above I've captured Fani. There were lots of really good photos- fun to spend an afternoon taking a look at my city through my and others' eyes!

I can't (hardly) wait

2008-12-02T14:19:00.002+08:00

Pasko na naman

Last night my roommate and I spent about half an hour walking around my house craning our necks to see the moon that we were told looked like a smiley face with two eyes and a mouth. No moon in sight, but the stars, swiftly moving clouds and cool breeze were just perfect. The kind of weather that lifts my spirits and calms me and fills me with tingly excitement. In the near distance someone was reciting the Koran from a mosque.

An evening with no television, just reading my Aunt's letter aloud with a jar of apples and plums on the back stoop, pasta and green beans w/ almonds, short stories by Indonesia's most famous author, good conversation and a search for the moon.

This weekend was lazy bones on Saturday and then biking to a warkop ( warung kopi/coffee place). Not that coffee shops don't have their place too, but I love rows of outdoor tables and plastic chairs and coffee that comes in real glasses and drinking it while the world goes by. Tonight it's yoga class and ummm 90210 if I get home in time.

edit: this is post number 200! that's pretty neat. Just uploaded a picture of the moon sent from a colleague- I thought she meant the moon itself looked like a smiley face, but this is far cuter! A grandma was reported as saying that it could mean we'll have heavy rains for a long time. We're certainly having heaving rains now!

A day at the "office"

2008-11-28T17:11:00.001+08:00

I think this post is just for Selena and Kathy. sorry ha...

2008-11-26T19:11:00.001+08:00

When I'm Manilasick I wake up from sleeping to make up songs about meeting my future husband in a Filipino grocery store in NYC playing Eraserheads. I think it's an appropriately cheesy Filipino dream to have, di ba? If I could sing, play guitar or write lyrics and melody, I think I'd have a hit on my hands with the Fil-am set.

or I dream of being on a dark dance floor and dancing with reckless abandon to Pedicab. I guess my future husband could be there too. If he has good moves. (Could Diego Mapa and Spazzkid cross to make a younger, available pogi guy for me?) I hope I can find some good Indonesian indie bands to love- a little hard since I'm not in Jakarta or Bandung, but where there is a will there is a way. For now I'm just trying to learn some of the pop chart toppers so I can prepare for karaoke this Saturday. I've got to add songs to my reportoire and venture into the world of bands with names like D'Masiv and Peterpan.

It's almost the smore-making time of the year

2008-11-26T12:43:00.001+08:00

So I know that last post was pretty cryptic- needless to say I've been having lots of ups and downs lately- pretty normal for being six weeks in- I get it, it's culture shock, and George Harrison says that all things must pass, so no biggie. The harder thing is actually trying to figure out how to convey things to myself, to you, to anyone. Lots of Helen hates gender segregation and what that turns into moments over the past few weeks. I think I can fairly say I've never felt so wanted and unwanted at the same time- the former more frustrating than the latter. Societies and conservative religious structures that do their mightiest to control how people act and control their interactions create far more trouble than they anticipate, I think. Still too vague? I'm tired of making sure I never accidentally touch men, never seem too smiley or friendly or interested without seeming serious and jerky and standoffish, tired of struggling to be both culturally appropriate and sensitive and still challenge some of those ridiculous norms- like no girls at coffee shops. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that actually there are some places that are more liberal and make me feel wonderful but still highlight so many complexities of Acehnese life that I'll never come close to understanding any of it!

At the same time that all of that brain mush is going on, I get to do crazy things like go swimming at a beach! No bathing suits- just full-on clothes here, though there were some girls wearing t-shirts- t-shirts! And you can see quite a bit in a wet t-shirt, Sharia law be darned, which is why I was thankful to Dylan for handing me a jacket as I planned my escape from the wonderful waves on a rainy Saturday afternoon. When I rolled up soaking wet with my Acehnese friends (Dylan hidden in the back of the car) and ran in to wash and change into drier clothes before heading back out- one of the new security guards asked if I was planning on coming back and sleeping at my house that evening. One of those comments that keeps playing back in my head with its implications, but I'm just going to try and believe that he only asked me that because he was looking after me and not because he was questioning my mores.

Biking out to my Indonesian lesson on Sunday with my two wonderful teachers from Yogya was a good place to do some venting and practice, the exercise did me good and small conversations along the way restored me. Last night was coffee and yummy seafood next to the water with some of my great colleagues, who spoke Indonesian in a kindly simple and clear way so that I wasn't completely lost all of the time and could even participate! I just have to remember these things when I find myself being stared at or yelled at or flirted with and remember I've been here before and I can negotiate a space for me here.

messy mind

2008-11-24T14:07:00.002+08:00

Living here is so weird! Getting high off of Acehnese kopi, swimming with my jeans on, learning what 20 year old Acehnese boys really think about, solidarity with women bikers, doing a lot of personal writing, listening to Afghani disco pop and reading about Central Asia, ex-combatants

I want one.

2008-11-18T18:53:00.001+08:00

Today a man drove past us on a motorbike with five woven baskets attached to the back, each with one or two goats poking their heads out. Adorable. I want one.

Field trip!

2008-11-17T16:03:00.001+08:00

I'm currently on my first field trip outside of Banda Aceh, seeing the health programs at work in both Pidie, a two-hour drive away, and Lhokseumawe, a six-hour drive away. When I was sixteen I was knocking on people's doors, telling people that nearly 30,000 children die every year from easily preventable illnesses and diseases like diarrhea and pneumonia and trying to convince them that by giving money they could be part of the solution. I had no idea that years later I would be around the very families who are at risk for having their children become part of that terrible number (and working, incidentally, for the same NGO). The 'easily preventable' part turns out to be both easy and extremely difficult. Health practictioners know what works, it's just difficult to get things happening in practice and to build health systems that work. For starters, you need mothers (and families- people always leave the dads out) who know how to be healthy for themselves and their children and will act on that knowledge (i.e. exclusive breastfeeding for at least the first six months, healthy foods, getting prenatal checkups, giving birth with someone who is trained to deliver babies, knowledgeable about the danger signs of pregnancy and able to get help if they need it, antenatal care, immunizations for kids, I could go on and on) At every point along the way you have obstacles! For example- this line about 'getting help if they need it'- I'm talking about when a mother is giving birth at her home or a community health facility and she starts bleeding and needs help but has no transportation options, no money for treatment, and doesn't know who can donate blood on her behalf because the closest facility is far away and maybe if you get there you have to pay for your medicine or supplies before you can get treatment and there is no blood bank.

I don't even really like writing about this because I have to for my work and I read so much of the materials out there talking about the severity of the problem or trying to get people to be involved and donate- it makes it less real sometimes, but the truth is, it's very real. So this, in a nutshell, is what I'm here for. I'm not actually involved in any of the projects (they call them 'interventions'- development world speak), but I'm a part of the team and trying to at least document what's happening and the successes (and lessons learned...) along the way. I used to think that this made me 'lesser' than those doing what I perceived to be the 'real' work- and it's still true, I'm not out there doing the grunt work and making the changes that will really save babies, but it's in large part because I would be the worst possible person to do that. You want people from these communities who are Acehnese, speak Acehnese, or at least Indonesian and are skilled in community mobilization and so forth in charge of those activities in charge of doing the community mobilization and you want people who have been trained in health to be the ones doing that kind of advising. This is something I've known theorectically for a long time, but it's always good to really live it and remember to focus on how to bring your own skills to the table where they can actually make a difference (or at least support other people who are making a difference) and try to learn from your peers and environment to become better than the worst possible person : )

P.S. Indonesia is gorgeous. All of the time. Working in tsunami-affected areas means working near the shore, which means working near the beach, and then there are rice paddies and mountains and blue sky and cows and goats playing in the road and adorable children and pretty batik fabrics and men wearing sarongs sometimes.

Paris, Je t'aime

2008-11-10T11:08:00.002+08:00

"This is my Paris," she said, while sitting in a low turquoise plastic chair overlooking the intersection with motorbikes, large cigarette advertisements and a tree-like metal monument with green lights on its 'branches'. Getting coffee, watching people go by, eating a bowl of delicious sate from the cart edging the road in front of us. Because there are two of us, we can venture into the mostly/all male establishments and sit for hours without being nudged. Sit and eat bread grilled with butter and chocolate, drink strong and sugary coffee with ice that we push to the bottom to cool the still-hot kopi.We could sit and read the newspaper (if we understood it) and watch
the world go by, then pedal home on our twin bikes in the cool of the evening.

Azan at sunset

2008-11-07T15:36:00.002+08:00

Yesterday at work I was delivered two letters from across the seas. Although tempted to tear into them right away, I could see that they were rather substantial and I decided to savor them after work, sitting in my little four person pseudo-swing on the patio overlooking my swamp. I was taken far away from Banda Aceh while I read about the challenges of small business development in Morocco and cheese making with French socialists. After savoring the voices of two of my favorite friends I just sat and rocked as the sky changed and mosques began the call to prayer. The azan rang out in echoes all throughout my neighborhood and beyond, different styles and pitches cascading into one another, calling believers to submit their prayers to God.

Thumbs Up

2008-11-06T17:00:00.004+08:00

I didn't get to experience the election at home, like my brother crisscrossing the state covering the election for the Daily Tarheel, or Cristina celebrating on the same streets in Washington D.C. where race riots once broke out, but I got a glimpse at how much the world wanted this to happen. Yesterday I had the chance to talk with Selena about her being inspired to vote in the Philippines and Indonesians who hope Obama won't forget the 4th largest country in the world since he once lived here.

I don't like to talk about politics that much on here, especially coming from a family and set of friends that is politically diverse, much like the state where I voted (North Carolina). I'm Southern enough to know how to smile and nod and agree to disagree (most of the time- my Dad might think otherwise sometimes). Today, though, I'm just so excited. I have been following this election from abroad for the past year and a half- almost the entire time that pundits have been analyzing and parties have been stuffing mailboxes I've been slightly sheltered from the storm but able to follow along online and on TV. I have deep respect for both of the men who made it to the final legs of this race, and huge hopes for the man who won. It hasn't sunk in yet, but I yearn for America's bright beacon to shine again. I think we can make it happen. I have to say that I have never been more proud to be American.

Obama is beautiful world

2008-11-05T15:26:00.001+08:00

I wish my Rachel could have seen this.

So how? Warehouses and biking adventure

2008-11-03T19:01:00.001+08:00

I spent the afternoon in a huge warehouse full of goods for distribution. The construction of local health facilities at the district, sub-district and village levels is finally complete, so now scales and beds and lancets and curtain rods are ready to be shuttled down and put in place. I couldn't help but marvel at the logistics required to do things like this and try to imagine what it was like post-tsunami. Each organization had to get the big cargo trucks, find or build warehouses, develop inventory and supply systems, hire staff, buy and ship the necessary items (ranging from housing material to food to education supplies to curtain rods to ensure privacy in health centers). As the Singaporeans ask, So how? Visiting the warehouse today reminded me that big things have happened here. Huge, impossible to imagine things. Sometimes we block out the traditional reminders of change- the monuments to change, to disaster, and it takes something a little different to illustrate a piece that's just big enough to confuse things all over again.

A follow-up post to earlier today- victory was not mine while biking back to the office from work- Getting there was more or less ok, but I think I biked around central Banda Aceh for 40 minutes before finally figuring out where I was. However, it's great to get unexpected midday exercise and I'm hoping that eventually making all of these mistakes will ensure I don't continue making them. For now I'm still so confused that I can't even figure out what I should have done, but I'm so happy to have the confidence to bike around and feel comfortable messing up, knowing that it won't be long before I don't have to think twice! I just love, love, love being able to bike here!

come to Asia.

2008-11-03T13:01:00.001+08:00

Princeton in Asia is in town! My exec director and a trustee are in tow to check out their three new fellows in Banda Aceh. I'm the baby of the bunch, clocking in at 3 weeks, while they've been here for 1.5/2+ months respectively. It's hard to imagine that this time last year Anastasia was visiting me in Manila and telling me about Banda Aceh, putting in an early plug for me to come work here this year. I already felt like I didn't want to stay another year in Manila, though I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in Asia, much less Southeast Asia, much less work for the same organization. It was almost annoying though, how much sense it seemed to make for me (which is probably why I was so resistant!) I wish I had more to 'show' so to speak, though I feel like I'm doing incredibly well for only having been here a few months- already feels like several to me!

I'll put in my yearly plug for Princeton in Asia- seriously, seriously folks- there are so many great opportunities out there- screw investment banking, think emerging markets! Forget booking plane tickets for people at an NGO, come work with a local one! Scared of teaching insolent American students? Try out nice and respectful Asian students! New challenges await you in Asia- take the leap, switch things up a bit, spend a year not watching stock market drops everyday. Applications due in a month.

Assorted notes:

Something has happened to my tutu. It was with me in Singapore- I swear it was the first thing I took out in Banda Aceh, but gone, gone I tell you! Must find more tulle.

Avocado is served sweet, in juice/smoothie form, nearly always with chocolate syrup. Confusing at first, but delicious!!!

All my money will go to the bike shop... I'm tricking out my bike little by little- added a stronger front light, a back light and a cute little orange bell! If only I wasn't getting lost all the time... Speaking of which, I've got to head out for lunch with the crew for one last time and I've got to figure out how to get there. Victory shall be mine.

I was tired of my camera in Singapore.

2008-10-29T17:11:00.005+08:00

Selena as tourist extraordinaire

This man's cell phone ring was "Low" by Flo.rida

Smart kids selling supplements (High-scoring IB kids also have billboards)

Bus efficiency!

The 'hood

2008-10-29T16:39:00.004+08:00

My house from too close up!

The mosque behind my house.

Some cows chillin in the neighborhood. They run through the streets, too. Also saw some ducks and kids playing soccer on my walk the other day, but I still chose the cows. Sorry ducks.

Mountain view!

Tons of mini lakes and swampland around my house.

hrm... did I just admit to reading dictionaries? Yes. yes I did.

2008-10-27T15:26:00.001+08:00

melepas kangen : reunion

lit. to free oneself of ones longing to be with someone

Reading dictionaries can be fun! I found this one after learning a second word for missing home (a question I'm asked a lot) and found this beautiful, beautiful definition!

hello again and happy thoughts on food

2008-10-23T17:19:00.001+08:00

Hi! I just sent out a mass email, so you might show up here to check out my blog because of that, and perhaps I should have written a happier post than the one earlier today as a welcome, so I've attempted to rectify that below. If you wish to be included in my mass email and were not, I apologize and can forward, or it can be summarized as follows:

"Helen is in Indonesia because she's weird and stresses her family out by not coming home to the U.S., but really they should be glad she has a job. She's not quite sure what that job will be like, but it should be nice and continue reading to find out how you can send me mail and delicious surprises!"

Speaking of food, my lunches are pretty wonderful. The past couple of days we've walked through the neighborhood to arrive at a street full of food stalls and stores. I've gone to two different places so far, but they've both had plates of food and dishes arranged on shelves in a glass display case. It's usually self-serve and after a scoop of rice you can proceed to add fried fish or meats swimming in delicious broths, cooked greens, fried smashed potatoes, fried tempeh, big chunks of tofu, and of course, sambal, the spicy red pepper sauce that is applied liberally to all foods. You can also get the food wrapped up to go, usually in a banana leaf and/or a piece of brown paper that is waxed on one side. Add a bottle of tea or fruit juice (fresh fruits with plenty of condensed milk), grab a banana from the table for dessert and you've got a complete meal for about $1.50 or less!

Ang bigat

2008-10-23T12:10:00.001+08:00

For the last three months my life has been divided into 1 and 2 and 3 week segments. My body has physically been in many different places, my brain works hard to keep up. I've been in eight different countries (some of those for only a few hours in transit), who knows how many cities and airplanes. I've now been in Banda Aceh for two weeks, which means it's still less than Turkey, less than home, less than Yogyakarta, but each day does its best to tell me that this is not a visit or an experience, this is my new life, ready to be settled into.

I'm still in a daze. I still feel like life is happening to me, more than I feel like I'm making things happen. I haven't taken a single picture since I arrived. I'm struggling to find things to tell you about where I am. I have flashes and sometimes even a few hours of exuberance, hours of wondering what on earth I'm doing here, and more hours of just existing. I forget sometimes that it's ok for me to feel a thousand different feelings in 24 hours, that I can forgive myself a bit for acting like a deer in headlights. It's ok that this one-size-fits-all word 'culture shock' really means a thousand different feelings in 24 hours. It's ok to admit that I'm experiencing life shock.

It frustrates me. I feel ridiculous when I think about how incredible everything is and how ridiculous it is for me to not be taking pictures, to not be 'caring' about everything, to not be super excited about integrated management of childhood illnesses. Because I'm really doing fabulously. I can speak Indonesian well enough to get around and have basic conversations (after a month? Seriously?), I have a bike that provides freedom and exercise and frequent heart attacks when negotiating space with motorbikes. The landscape and culture have elements of familiarity that aren't affronting, I don't take issue with wearing long sleeves or seeing headscarves everywhere. I'm familiar with the language of my organization and development. I have a few friends. I have Al Jazeera and CNN and American TV shows. I can cook for myself and drink all the tea I can handle. When I get sick I feel comfortable being sick in my house. If I'm stranded or need help I know who to call. I can say "How are you" in Acehnese and I'm learning lyrics to a song that's about not being a superstar. So life is good. It's a bit too much sometimes, but it's good.

b b b bicycles!

2008-10-20T15:19:00.001+08:00

I bought a bike. This is the big news for the week. I haven't spent this much money at once since... oh yeah, excess baggage charges, but this is more fun! Annie (other PiAer) and I now have matching bikes, helmets, and excitement for liberation! freedom! mobility! exercise! earth-friendly transportation! I made my first trip to work today and was beaming the whole way, though anything coming into contact with my seat reminded me of how long it's been since I was able to bike regularly. Although it may take some time before I'm navigating the city with ease, I feel exhilarated to be independent like this. Between being a woman and a white woman and living in a place where that means you don't go too many places alone and you are encouraged to be inside after dark... a bike makes life a whole lot better, basically.

Step by step. I guess other than that I'm pretty boring. I go to work, I watch too much tv, I get excited about cooking, I dance in my room and make postcards, I try to keep thinking one day at a time.

As proof of that perspective, I'm currently considering making homemade almond butter so I can make the Broccoli Crunch Recipe seen here. Life is exciting.

Influenza wants to go trick or treating

2008-10-15T13:51:00.001+08:00

Indonesian firsts: first flu!

At the end of the work day on Friday my right lymph node started swelling up and as the day turned into night turned into 4 am why is the mosque next door going on for forty minutes in the middle of the morning while I can't sleep and I'm feverish... I was sick! It's not so bad, let's face it- if I wasn't sick I would feel a little lonely and guilty about not adventuring outside, so being sick is a great excuse for doing little other than watching tv and summoning energy to pee as a consequence of drinking copious amounts of liquids. As the day turned into evening why is the mosque next door so darn loud and someone needs to fix that crackly loudspeaker... I began to get paranoid. My fever was 102 and I was really achey and light headed and isn't dengue everywhere? Rainy season is upon us and there is a big lake in my back yard and I only remember getting bit by a few mosquitoes but a girl at the office is sick in the hospital and they said not to get sick because the hospitals aren't good and I don't want to be sick and I don't want to have dengue!!!!!!!

This is when you do what you shouldn't do but have to do... call mom. I couldn't even pretend that I hadn't jumped to worst possible scenario instead of a cold and moaned to my mom that I didn't want to have dengue. Poor mom is on the other side of the line with her baby girl who is far away on the other side of the world talking about some strange tropical disease, and she's probably thinking- am I supposed to know what dengue is? I don't want my daughter to have dengue! What if she has dengue! Why is that mosque so loud?

Fast forward through hours and hours of fabulous Al Jazeera programming (even a whole program on Filipino overseas workers, bless your hearts), too many bowls of instant noodles and constant checking of my temperature, and you've got a Helen who had the flu but is almost all better. I think I've become a little too obsessed with my lymph nodes and fascinated by the shapes that are happening inside my throat, but I appreciate them working hard to fight off infection and I hope they can simmer down for awhile and keep me safe from dengue.

Apologies to mom and to the mosque next door for taking the brunt of my paranoia and irritation. This morning I barely woke up to the call to prayer so I think we're on better terms now.

They say it will be peaceful, so jengan kuatir (don't worry)

2008-10-10T13:34:00.001+08:00

The Indonesian index went down 21 percent over three days. They stopped trading because it was going so low.

Former Free Aceh Movement (GAM) leader Hasan Tiro is arriving in Banda Aceh tomorrow ( I think) after nearly thirty years in exile in Sweden. He was leading the separatist conflict from abroad until signing an agreement with the government in 2005 in Finland, but this is the first time he is arriving in Indonesia. There are cars of people coming from all over Aceh to see him. Cars of people who.....

I'm not being alarmist, simply identifying two of those things that you just can't possibly wrap your head around or understand after being here for a day and a half. What does it all mean? What will happen? Will I, too, be able to swap political party names and stories and rumors and histories like the other PiA fellows already here, will I start to understand more or will I exist in varying stages of obliviousness? I think a year and being a foreigner is not enough, but I want to try. What happens when you just plop down in a place, a place that's euphemistically described as 'post-conflict,' and 'post-disaster.' And just how 'post' is it?

Familiarity and unfamiliarity.

And yet... I'm really just thinking about what you do to get lunch around here. So it goes. In the year ahead maybe I'll know more than I want to about how to replace those ellipses.

First day

2008-10-09T13:36:00.001+08:00

I'm here. You can never get your first impressions back so I guess I might as well share some. Landing + driving into town to the office felt very similar to cities in the southern Philippines, only it seemed much more developed, which was contrary to my expectations, but then again you hope that the gazillions of dollars spent here would have done something. I'm sure I'll see plenty of lesser developed places and great disparity, after all this was what was lining the major roads. Also- Pizza Hut and KFC and another western eatery and huge guest houses that are really nice and I'm trying to transfer quickly to my 'grateful' stage from initial shock and dismay that I would be living in such a nice place and potentially all by myself (not worried about safety- just how could I be the only one using so much!) Also there is a full-time security guard. Fully furnished kitchen and a shower head and a large bedroom with a huge bed and a desk and fans and AC and TV and DVD player and common rooms and just too much. I know most Acehnese don't live like this and that makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess the challenges you face are rarely the challenges you expect, or become more tangible instead of abstractions- such as what expat identity might be like. I still have no idea, but I hope I can avoid falling prey to the more negative aspects. Too early to expound on this subject, I think, but deep breaths.

I saw Ali's report on Channel News Asia last night! Nice to hear a familiar voice coming from the TV. and also... I GET AL JAZEERA!!! I know Americans still think Al Jazeera is the news arm of Al Qaeda or supports terrorism or hates the United States. (ok, so maybe they don't always love the U.S. ) What they're missing is a fantastic English-language channel that actually covers news, and international news at that. I feel so much smarter and aware when I watch Al Jazeera, though it's good to have CNN so I can see the entire Presidential debates : ) One other word on Al Jazeera- apparently it's the number one news channel in Israel (makes sense, more regional coverage)- and I think should help Americans get over some of their biases- at least enough to check it out!

Leaving on my 11th and 12th jet plane since the end of August

2008-10-07T15:25:00.003+08:00

My parents told me the worst thing that could happen in Singapore would be that I get bored. Well, at least we hope that's the worst thing that could happen, but I'm pleased to report I've been busy exploring the whole time. It's been wonderful to spend time in a city that is so easy to explore with some old and new friends that are helping me to contextualize what I've done in the past year and the directions I want to go in this year. I don't know if I'm simply getting better at saying what I want (is it really what I want?) or if I'm gaining insight, but things are slowly starting to seep in and I'm so thankful I get this opportunity to be reflective and critical and hopeful before jumping into a new job. I want to go in strong and confident and willing to learn new things and to be humbled and to hopefully get good feedback and improve on my personal discipline with work and life as well as other skills. I want to spend more time with Indonesians than expats and not just be another Western aid worker hopping around in a fancy car (though I know I'll be doing plenty of that...) I want to ask hard questions about my own motivations and other organizations and complicate my brain until it's a pile of mashed potatoes. I want to be attentive to cultural differences and contexts while not forgetting that I can't always blame my shortcomings on my environment. I hope I can find optimism and hope and commitment to sustain me and keep me trying to work with people and for their aspirations.

I'm realizing that a favorite question of mine is "How do you do that?" Sometimes I don't want all the details, but I get excited with seeing the processes and figuring out how everything fits together, while still needing to feel work is tangible, meaningful and not on a super abstract level. I understand the importance of theory but get frustrated if it remains just that, but I need intellectual and big-picture stimulation in my work to keep me engaged.

Having Ali and Selena around while I'm starting to flesh out these questions and get my game face on has been the perfect combination and a great reminder that I'm not all alone out here in Asia anymore- I may be starting in a new place with new people and new responsibilities, but I'm fortunate to have more of a support network in my time zone and greater familiarity with the organization and less fear about moving. Two weeks from now will I feel the presence of this support or the advantages of my past experience? I think I will, though I'm also prepared for the inevitable growing pains of moving to a new place. It can be down right lonely and isolating and brings your self-confidence and self-esteem down a few notches, but it tends to be the case that before you watch too many hours of bad TV you've found just as many reasons why your experience is pretty incredible and completely worth a couple of nights eating baby food and wishing your mommy was around.

communication can be beautiful, if not always correct

2008-09-29T15:03:00.003+08:00

This morning for breakfast I had my first non rice-based meal in 2.5 weeks (not counting 1-2 noodle bowls). It was pretty awesome, though I felt a little queasy afterwards. Maybe rice is always the answer!

Yesterday I flew from Yogya to KL and I was nervous because well, I was going to a new place, and I had an address and directions how to get there, so I should have been calm, but anyhoo. Here is what I wrote in my journal on the bus:

"Ok. I am fed. I have my bag. I'm on the right bus. I know it costs 9 ringgit. I have conducted at least five mini conversations/transactions in Bahasa Malaysian/Indonesian."

Indeed. It was a good start. It got even better when I had a conversation with the driver, who could tell by the few words I said in Indonesian that I was speaking the Indonesian and not the Malaysian variety (very very similar) and we struck up a conversation. We talked about Kuala Lumpur and his family and Barack Obama and the debate and Anwar Ibrahim (opposition leader in Malaysia) and it was awesome! Of course it went much like this:

Barack Obama live Indonesia before, ya?
I read paper about Anwar Ibrahim. He good person, ya?
You from Indonesia, ya?
I study but I no talk good, ya?

Then I heard a couple behind me speaking Filipino and so I started making faces at their son and playing with him until I had sufficient reason to say something to them and so I got to speak both Filipino and Indonesian on one bus ride, which felt like a great omen and made me feel less nervous. The rest of my journey to sleep and then my journey back to the airport went flawlessly, thanks to the very modern and good public transportation system of Malaysia. Props. Maybe one day I'll actually stay more than a night!

mudik

2008-09-28T12:43:00.001+08:00

Must take shower. Must repack. Must write emails and figure out how to get to a hostel in Kuala Lumpur.

News coverage shows streets completely full of motorbikes and buses and cars and exhaust as people mudik, or go home to their villages/cities of origin, for Lebaran, or Eid el Fitr, or the end of Ramadan. Millions of people moving. I'll join them, but in the opposite direction.

a few rambles before I leave

2008-09-26T13:54:00.001+08:00

One more day left of language learning, then I'm going to Singapore to get my visa in order and hang out with Selena! and Ali! and the rest of the PiA crew. I'll be trading in yet another crazy and polluted city for the cleanliness and orderliness of Singapore, but not for long! I'm really ready to get started on my next job, next home, etc. after three months (three wonderful and fantastic months) of being a nomad. As a true Cancer, though, my moody and sentimental self likes to nest more than she likes to bounce around, so this is good news. My horoscope told me I needed to lighten up for Eid (end of Ramadan)- so hopefully my sillier and zanier side will paradoxically emerge in the rule and order happy Singapore.

Also- I may already know more verbs in Bahasa Indonesian than Tagalog? Not sure.... but my brain is so full and I'm thinking in several languages in every sentence. Alam Bahasa (plug for my language school in Yogyakarta) has been fantastic and I've had so many great teachers. Yesterday's topics ranged from sexual abuse of children to polygamy to poverty and the World Bank- foreshadowing experiences to come, methinks.

I keep passing a magic shop whenever we go home. wala lang.

Softballs and prayer rugs

2008-09-21T11:49:00.001+08:00

It's my first full day in Indonesia and I'm at softball practice. The Olympic committee may have decided it would never become fully competitive outside the U.S. and Japan, but it appears to be alive and well in Yogyakarta. The practice field is actually a soccer field and there are several different practice groups in position when I arrive. I'm naturally led to the lines of beginners, fielding ground balls with our bare hands, eventually building up to gloves. Our line is sharing three black gloves which were probably shipped from Jakarta; Yogya's sports stores don't often stock softball equipment, I'm told. The group is nearly equally men and women, all of University age, and about half of the girls are wearing headscarves, cotton ones wrapped around their necks and typically tucked in in some way to avoid getting in the way. One of my friends joining me, who like me hasn't played in years, laughs that these girls are better Muslims- she took her headscarf off before coming to practice so she would be more comfortable.

As the end of practice draws near we practice bunting, and my new friends Cindy and Igee urge me to try- the bunting coach struggles to find the right words for me- after one attempt he says "no push, no push." We all laugh and I hold the bat still. When it is almost time to break fast the group is drawn in to stretch and pray, then we huddle and throw our hands in for a cheer. It could be any softball team, anywhere, but this is Ramadan, and these players haven't had anything to drink or eat since before 4 am, so everyone is quickly at their bags, drinking water and sports drinks. After practice I'm off with my new softball friends, first to Yeni's boarding house, where we sit on the floor as they take turns praying, pulling on a long white skirt and scarf that covers the rest of the body- these laughing athletes are briefly transformed into an image of Islamic piety. After they've each passed around the garments and prayed, the clothes are folded into the prayer rug and then hung from a clothes hanger, amongst regular clothes and softball jerseys.

ABS love: Parating na ang Themesong!

2008-09-16T13:29:00.001+08:00

Not having much internet access these days, though so much to tell! Just finished a cooking lesson at my school, breaking my three day fast, but I'll go back tomorrow, In Sha Allah. Just wanted you all to see the new video by my favorite band in Manila! A few of the bubbles are courtesy of yours truly! Weeee! Greatest last day in Manila ever! Thanks to Ang Bandang Shirley for letting me hang out with them at their video shoot (how cool is that???) Thanks for the link Jing! It's awesome!

http://no1fan.multiply.com/video/item/76/Themesong_-_Ang_Bandang_Shirley

2008-09-11T10:26:00.001+08:00

Safe and sound in Yogyakarta with an incredible host! Time on internet limited for now, but lesson learned for the umpteenth time- don't be nervous and people are wonderful.

slingy

2008-09-10T10:18:00.001+08:00

You can drink Singapore's water straight from the tap and you can flush things down the toilet. There are bus stops with signs telling you where things go and what time they are coming next and what the fare is. Also, green space and free wi fi in the airport. Bonus? Lots of Filipinos and fantastic food.

In transit. ulit. Heading to Yogyakarta in an hour for two weeks to learn Indonesian. I'm nervous. I still don't actually like traveling that much, but I know there are great things in store. I'm staying with a couchsurfer tonight- I'll experience Ramadan with a real Indonesian family on my first night! That's pretty cool and should make me less nervous.

P.S. Once we took off from Clark Airport I turned my ipod on shuffle and what was the first song? Teach Yourself Tagalog Unit 20: Goodbye

waaaaaaah. I went out rocking though, which should be included in our next correspondence : )

ah, blogging about blogging.

2008-09-04T19:30:00.001+08:00

I'm in the process of creating a new blog, which will have all of the "Helen in the....." blogs joined into one and ready to go for Indonesia. While making this happen it is fun to admire the improved aesthetics of my blog (though I feel too lazy right now to design my next one : )), and that I've learned how to put spaces between paragraphs (using the enter button doesn't seem so hard, does it?) and also remembering when YouTube was not ubiquitous. By all accounts my online journal is still fairly ordinary- no podcasts or video tours or fancy design, but all I've wanted is a place to share some observations with my family and friends while I am far from you. One day when I run for president it will turn out that I wrote horrible things, was culturally insensitive, did not properly use commas, etc. etc., but until that time comes, which is never, I hope everything will still be taken with a grain of salt and as an expression of regular Helen, not aspiring professional Helen or President Helen : )

Three years ago I was writing about my black boogers and how I had been throwing up in the middle of the street before negotiating for a new apartment in a language I barely knew. I was excited about classes beginning and a year anniversary, but worried over Hurricane Katrina and feeling a bit overwhelmed and lonely. If I may indulge...

Thursday:

On-campus orientation
Threw up after lunch
Threw up in the streets of Cairo
Threw up while negotiating our apartment contract
Threw up while waiting for the bus
Threw up on the bus

Two years ago I did not have a blog, but I was basically heartbroken, while still being super excited about my cousin's wedding and my internship, and looking forward to a great senior year.

One year ago I was adjusting in fits and starts to Manila, experiencing karaoke for the first time, writing about solar panels, remarking on Christmas starting in September (nothing has changed! Christmas is here na). Maybe in my next blog I'll be less lazy and provide links to those entries : ) There's always room for improvement... di ba?

Manila good:
Did I mention my soon-to-be doodle friends? I may not be aggressive about many things, but if I think you should be my friend watch out. You'll either run away or consent.

Yes! Victorious!

p.s. Simits in Kadikoy, Turkey

Passing the torch

2008-09-04T17:37:00.003+08:00

What a difference a year makes. I’m at a loss for the right things to say, the right things to withhold, the assurances or advice that can ease the transition for the new Princeton in Asia fellows. Of course there are better and worse things that I can do, but at the end of the day I can’t do too much to impact their experiences. They will learn to love the Philippines or uneasily live with it or end the year swearing they’ll never return (let’s hope this doesn’t happen!). You will have friends! It will take awhile. You will feel like you’re productive at work! It will take awhile. You will figure out how to get around! It will take awhile. Words I’ll have to say back to myself in the coming weeks.

My interests won’t be their interests and they’ll probably go running from some of the things I ran to and vis versa. I hope they find new things to learn and love about this city and country. I hope they do all of the things I should have done or didn’t do or was too scared to do. I hope they take comfort and are not intimidated by how much I love it and how comfortable I feel here… in a years’ time they will probably feel the same.

Last night I caught my second Filipino film in theaters with two of my favorite people in Manila. After seeing the first movie alone and barely understanding anything last fall I shied away from watching others, but now I wish I had seen more! It’s probably a testament to the Philippines’ affect on me that I loved the cheesiness so much. I giggled at the silly lines and got impatient when John Lloyd Cruz was taking too long to kiss the girl. I missed out on the super fast conversations and the details of the climactic moments, but overall I understood what was going on. It was fantastic to be able to watch the movie without straining to hear or lose attention… it was just an organic understanding! Why do I have to leave when this is happening? Why can’t I deepen my tagalog here?????

I wish I could post just a few lines from this song, but I really have to post the whole thing. so lovely, and even lovelier with music!

Peter, Bjorn and John : Objects Of My Affection
I remember when, when i first moved here,
a long time ago,
´cause i heard some song i used to hear back then,
a long time ago.
I remember when, even further back,
in another town,
´cause i saw something written i used to say back then,
hard to comprehend

and the question is, was i more alive
then than i am now?
i happily have to disagree;
i laugh more often now, i cry more often now,
i am more me.

but of course some days, i just lie around
and hardly exist,
and can´t tell apart what i´m eating
from my hand or my wrist.
´cause flesh is flesh, flesh as flesh as flesh,
the difference is thin.
but life has a certain ability of breathing new
life into me,
so i breathe it in.
it says here we are, and we all are here,
and you still can make sense,
if you just show up and present an honest face,
instead of that grin.

and the other day, this new friend of mine
said something to me
"just because something starts differently,
doesn´t mean it´s worth less."
and i soaked it in, how i soaked it in,
how i soaked it in
and just as to prove how right he was,
then you came.
so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
i´m gonna give you a try,
so i´m gonna give, yes i´m gonna give,
i´m gonna give you a try

Gusto mo bang....

2008-09-02T18:13:00.003+08:00

Eraserheads. Concert. I went. It was awesome.

now, to elaborate.

The 'Beatles of the Philippines,' the band I fell in love with after hearing 'Pare Ko' in Karaoke, the band that helped me learn Tagalog, and not just ridiculously cheesy love lines, the band that connected me to Filipino friends, the band that I played while I was crying in the airport about to leave in June. Eraserheads.

This band means a whole lot more to Filipinos, and I know I have a new history with them, but they symbolize a lot of things to me and above all else, I love their music. Reunion show. First show in six years. Originally going to be a free show sponsored by Marlboro... complications and protestations by the Department of Health (go DoH!), last minute changes of promotion.

Fast forward to Saturday, when I'm waiting in line at Glorietta cinemas, leaving Aita and her brother on the sidewalk outside of SM holding groceries in the heat and wondering why on earth they agreed to go to this concert by a band they don't know and why they have to wilt while I buy tickets (probably : )) Fast forward more to seeing the strobe lights in the sky and pulling up at the field at the Fort, the field that usually only hosts big American acts like Beyonce and Akon. Punkelitos outside. More young and old faces inside. The countdown begins, clicking every second for ten minutes. This was obnoxious, but finally it was three- two-one and out they all came and the chords to Alapaap rang out, a song that starts slowly and builds to a chorus that sounds like every Eraserheads song put together. Gusto mo bang sumama? Do you want to come along? YES!

For the next hour I'm singing along when I know the words, humming when I don't, reveling in everything. As the intermission hit I took my companions home after a super unfortunate incident which essentially turned their first day in Manila into the worst day in Manila. As I was returning in the taxi to catch the remaining songs I noticed everyone was pouring out of the field. My heart sank, knowing I had missed 'Pare Ko' and 'Magasin' and some of their other hits.... how had the encore been so short, I wondered? I returned to the apartment and sat eating ube ice cream and watching 'The Notebook' to make me feel better after missing the end and feeling like I had failed to show that Manila can be a great city. It was a mix of extremes, but I was still so thankful I had seen an hour of the E-heads!

As it turned out, the lead singer, Ely Buendia, was rushed to the hospital after having cardiac problems. He had a stroke a few years ago and two angioplasties and then the exhaustion of preparing for this show, in addition to his mom dying on Thursday and late night sound checks and performing... it all sent his heart over the edge, I guess. He's recovering now from his third angioplasty and I really hope that he will be alright. He's an incredible musician and it was an incredible gift to Manila for him to preform again and go through with it even in the face of all he was going through. The fifteen remaining songs on their setlist may be preformed one day, or they may not, but this will be my memory and I am elated that I got that hour to feel Pinoy and to experience that band of all bands in the Philippines.

Back in the RP!

2008-08-30T09:31:00.004+08:00

As I was walking down the ramp to board the plane I overheard a cute Korean boy practicing lines with his friends like "I want to be in relationship with you." When they saw me standing behind them we giggled together and started talking a little bit. I never helped him develop more courting lines, but with a few other questions like, If I want to get your attention and I don't know your name, what should I call you? Such a great question! We settled on 'miss' and he practiced with the flight attendant. He also asked me to give him an English name (unfortunately I forgot his Korean name already), but the pressure was too much. Our other seat mate told me his name was Peter... I wonder how many times he had announced himself as Peter before, or if this was new for the Philippines. They are going to Baguio to study English and didn't believe me at first when I told them I liked Manila. Too much traffic, pollution, not pretty, too big... all of that compared to the cool and beautiful mountain city of Baguio, but they conceded that I must be very excited to go to Manila judging on my facial expressions and delight at landing.

The entire experience reminded me of when I arrived in the Las Vegas airport, heard Spanish, and thought "This is America!" When I was in the waiting area for Manila and saw Koreans I knew "I'm going to the Philippines." So here I am! My phone has stopped texting, which is a more critical function than calling, so that must be ammended shortly, but for now I'm just so happy to have made it safely from one home to the next.

Creek beds overflow

2008-08-28T12:04:00.001+08:00

A tree lay across Arborway this morning, the roots completely pulled out of the ground, the top held precariously by another tree across the road. The workmen were already cutting it up to unblock the road. The creek overflowed last night, sending small fishes up over the bank and across the trail, where they struggled to breathe. The roads at 2 am last night were better than they were at 11 pm, but memories of Manila came back - taxi cabs seemingly floating through the water in Makati. There aren't huge, solid trees like that in Manila. It's easier to drive past fallen billboards.

My lymph nodes are slightly swollen... are they feeling nostagic too? Only for two years ago when I had mono? They tell me what I already know... that this is stressful and difficult and that my body is keeping it all together for now.

Driving home from the Lambla's house tonight I swung into the Caribou parking lot, opened the door, stuck my hand in and swiped the kitty cat umbrella that has been my constant companion for the last year. I'm returning to rainy seasons and I can't leave my umbrella behind in a coffee shop. It's coming with me.

Now it's time to pack. Tomorrow I begin again.

it's a cadence in my brain

2008-08-26T06:19:00.000+08:00

Busy busy. Trips to Rock Hill, Chapel Hill, Raleigh, Durham, Columbia, Athens, Lake Lanier, Gainesville, Atlanta. A three state adventure.

It's been great to catch up with friends and family. I'm starting to get back into good conversation mode- my instinct is often to be deflective, thinking 'please don't ask me anything,' unless I know we can talk about things other than trying to describe an entire year. Most of the time I think I do pretty well, and I love questions, but not always. I got to spend some time briefly with the Foundation Fellows of UGA on Saturday- I was an hour late but still got to answer questions about one of their spring break trip options and caught up a little bit with my friends. I got so energized by it all- it made me feel more like the Helen I like to be. More energetic and optimistic and less complacent. I wonder what kind of environment can draw that out more of the time. Of course when I was talking to Holly about the organizations we work for and getting to compare and contrast the gigantic humanitarian organizations- a little more passion came out as I was able to find someone to bounce things off of.

I don't know what's going to happen in Aceh. I have no idea what my job responsibilities will be or what living will be like or if I'll be bored or super busy or who knows what. I just have a feeling that it will be a defining year, more so than the past one was. My gut feeling on this may prove to be completely off, but I feel as though last year was in large part a preparation for the one to come.... naturally, but especially. It helps to know that my year in the Philippines was a thousand times better than anything I could ever have imagined. Perhaps it helps explain why I have felt like a zombie in a holding pattern fairly often over the past couple of months. I like that mental image : )

being boring at home

2008-08-21T03:42:00.004+08:00

Enjoying my time at home.... not venturing out of the house that much when I don't have to. Ah, the comforts of American suburbia- hot showers, quiet, trails, pets, fantastic grocery stores. I've made trips to the Universities of South and North Carolina to drop off the brothers and I'm returning to Athens tomorrow for a few days of friends and family in the good old state of Georgia. The time is slipping away, as usual, and I'll be on another plane in about a week bound for Manila. I've finally booked the other flights that will take me to Aceh! Finally! That's about it... when I'm not doing much there isn't that much to write about, but wanted to say hello.

picture from Lop Buri, Thailand

Check out the chucks

2008-08-15T06:55:00.000+08:00

raki and wedding bells

2008-08-10T04:03:00.001+08:00

Last night at the Roma music concert an Al-Jazeera cameraman was
filming the audience. As he zoomed in on the three of us dancing my
arm swept Annie's raki glass from the table and sent it to the floor,
breaking it and sending raki everywhere. To top off the embarrassment
we found out later that the song was about masturbation. Awesome. I
wish I could blame my foible on too much raki but I just have myself
to blame. : )

I'm about to come home. I wish the next two and a half weeks could
last for five, but I intend to make the most use of them that I can!
I've tried writing about this two different times and the drafts have
been unintentionally deleted, but I can't keep the news that keeps
making me cry and laugh and feel excited and nostalgic over and over
to myself. My dearest friend Katherine is getting married! I wish I
had a picture of brace-faced Helen and Katherine wearing umbros and
big t-shirts to share, but right up there with family on 'best reasons
to be at home now' is getting to be giggly and super excited with my
Katherine! Weeeeee!!!!

update

2008-08-08T17:07:00.001+08:00

Far too many things to say. This city is spectacular. Also, people think I'm Turkish a lot! But I only know how to say things like " I don't want, pharmacy, one sour cherry juice, look out!," and all of the words that are the same in Arabic, for ex. "people, hour, minute, and suicide." I think that's a pretty good start, though.

Tuesday was a visit to one of the islands across from Istanbul- just a 40 minute ferry ride away to isolation on a sharp rock/shell beach with splendid views and an opportunity to read, write, talk and eat a picnic!

Wednesday was trip to Bursa (first Ottoman city) via ferry, bus and light rail, markets, mosques and a trip to a small town with 500-600 year old Ottoman houses, led by an architect in Bursa that Annie met when her dad came to visit. We saw berries, grapes, and figs hanging from trees or branches!

Yesterday was hammam, two mosques, the usual sitting around, backgammon, late night ice cream run, West Wing and raki.

Today is late lazy start after modified Turkish breakfast, underground cistern, more mosques, dinner at Annie's favorite restaurant and then an evening of Roma (gypsy) music, led by a man that we spent two hours with a few days ago.

Tomorrow is unplanned. Vacations are great.

In the market for some purple fury thıngs

2008-07-28T00:29:00.001+08:00

Four days wıthout a Turkısh breakfast... that lovely lovely breakfast of mıx and match wıth cheeses and honey and jams and fruıt and sımıts, the round sesame covered bread that ıs sımılar to a bagel but wıthout the same bready depth. Tomorrow we are goıng to the 'breakfast street' ın Van and ındulge, stomachs be darned.

Today we had an excursıon to Lake Van where we saw a beautıful Armenıan church, had a pıcnıc and read near the water, lovıng the cool weather, a real respıte from the parched and hot places we have been. On the mınıbus back I was admırıng the crazy pınk tulle (?) and purple fur and lıttle do dads on the shıft.(not sure what you call thıs) Mınıbuses, lıke taxıs all over the world, have such fascınatıng and usually tacky yet wonderful arrangements of thıngs on theır dashboards, hangıng from the rearvıew mırror or,ın thıs case, tıed on to the shıft. I want to see these macho men buy thıngs for theır dashboard...askıng for the one wıth pınk tulle, perhaps, or the 3 D glıttery model of the Blue Mosque. Certaınly boys who know they are destıned to be mınıbus drıvers must wonder how they would customıze theır own mınıbus, down to the desıgn on the lıme green seat covers that offer the ıllusıon of cleanlıness. (works for me!)

Today I ordered my meal ın Turkısh! Also, saw a sıgn to Iran and had great yearnıng to drıve down that road. One day, when I learn some Farsı,have a travelıng partner ın crıme and when my country stops threatenıng to wage war. I thınk that wıll make gettıng a vısa easıer.

Mıles wondered that ıt must be strange to be ın three dıfferent cultures ın as many weeks. Thıs ıs true. Was my bırthday really three weeks ago on Katıpunan ın Manıla? Was I wıth my brother eatıng spıcy Thaı food two weeks ago? Was I seeıng my fırst glımpse of Istanbul last week? My lıfe ıs undoubtedly a bıt rıdıculous rıght now. I hope I do not become one of those people who start every sentence and every story wıth 'In X fabulous foreıgn country...' whıch I guess I already do most days on my blog. It's an obnoxıous traıt ın real lıfe, ı know, one that I'm prone to gıven that I turn ınto a waterfountaın of storıes whenever I get the chance. I perfect the holdıng ın and sılence when I'm ın a new place, then burst at the seams once I'm on famılıar ground or wıth famılıar people = ) But honestly, everyone needs to know that Fılıpınos have ketchup made from bananas, whıch they eat wıth frıed chıcken and rıce, and that ın Turkısh restaurants and on buses people wıll sprınkle lemon cologne on your hands after every meal. I've been assaultıng Annıe wıth 'In the Phılıppınes' storıes... maybe she and Gregory wıll have worn me out a bıt when I get back home and I'll be less obnoxıous! = )

Sour cherry juıce, Aramaıc

2008-07-25T23:51:00.004+08:00

Lunch ın an old eastern Turkısh bed frame next to the Tıgrıs... the water ıs lappıng the rocks beneath us as we eat and drınk lıters of water and sour cherry juıce wıth beautıful ruıns from who knows what empıre ın front of us- behınd us lıttle caves where people used to lıve- and where my ımagınatıon stıll does.

I feel so at home here. I do not know the language (though I am constantly fooled by the Arabıc words that sneak ınto the combınatıon of Turkısh, Kurdısh and Arabıc spoken here) and I have not been here before, but there are echoes of past travels and past hıstorıes studıed.

Yesterday we sat ın the mosque after Frıday noon prayers, watchıng young boys run and tumble as they cleaned the green carpet wıth theır hand vacuums whıle men slept, sat or prayed. Hours later we were walkıng around ınsıde a beautıful Syrıac Orthodox Church wonderıng what all the symbols ın the tapestrıes meant. A famılıar yet dıfferent faıth. We sat and lıstened to the practıce? real? chantıng done by one gırl and several boys, each standıng at dıfferent ends of the church ın a call and response. Theır voıces were soundıng another ancıent language, the one that Jesus hımself spoke, Aramaıc! Two boys ran ın late ın theır soccer unıforms and one returned to the back to cover ıt up wıth a whıte cape (was he an altar boy?) and to take off hıs cleats. Returnıng to the front he glanced around and stealthıly sent a text message on hıs cellphone before joınıng the chantıng. Annıe and I were sılently gıgglıng as the very very old and the very very new met ın one beautıful and prıceless moment. After exıtıng the church we met a man from that town whose wıfe has been workıng ın Charlotte for 13 years at Ballantyne Jewellry. Can the world really and truly be thıs small, all of the tıme?

Resting in Mardin

2008-07-23T15:10:00.003+08:00

Annie and I are resting today in Mardin, we are in a delightful teacher's inn sponsored by the government, i.e. cheaper than all of the other ridiculously expensive accomodation, and we have older Turkish men taking care of us. You should generally avoid young Turkish men, but older Turkish men are often wonderful and overprotective of little American girls traveling in eastern Anatolia.

Apart from today we have had a perfect time so far. We don't really have stories, just an accumulation of little moments that are hard to describe but make us both smile. Things like sitting on the curb watching life go by in Urfa and then being offered two stools by men who are washing a car and the sidewalks. For awhile we're completely ignored and we get to watch as they appear to be disputing the best way to wash the car and the sidewalk, but judging by the amount of water used I would say they were very thorough. Little kids approach us shyly, moving closer and closer, a welcome shyness from children who run after us yelling or wanting to sell us things or just bump into us. One of the men has a pepsi and three plastic cups brought over and we start drinking and talking. Over the next few minutes a small crowd appears and pretty soon we are taking pictures. One man wants to make sure the picture that had the two of us in it was good... apparently he was satisfied to hear I was single and not married. We take pictures of everyone and get their address so we can pass it on. After the women poke their heads out of the door and we get a shot of one of the men posing proudly in front of his store we share our greetings and go on our way.

It seems not many Americans travel through these parts... people always guess European countries and we have to tell them that we're American. This gets varied responses, from the man at the hotel who made a face and we asked what his face meant... a guest is a guest he said. Then there was the man selling us pants who described us as Bush haters to all of his friends who walked by after we shared our mutual excitement for Obama and that he would become President, In Sha Allah. Another said he dreamed of going to America. We got a call last night from the man at reception, confused what United States meant... was it a country? edıt: apparently USA ıs usually abbrevıated as ABD ?

We're in the Kurdish area of Turkey and are tantalizingly close to Syria and not too far from Iraq and Iran, though we are not foolish enough to head to the border areas.

I could spend all day recalling glimpses of Turkey, but I could probably also spend all day in bed recovering and I think that's the most important one right now. I have to get all the way better so I can eat more fantastic Turkish food!

Nobody's business but the Turks

2008-07-17T14:54:00.001+08:00

Flying to Istanbul today... This is like a dream come true. I've been an Ottoman nationalist for years and I love Turkish literature, Turkish psychedelic rock, Turkish food, Turkish architecture... oh man. I think I might want to stay there forever, but I will have to leave so I can see the family : ) ALSO. Eraserheads reuniting for a concert August 30th in Manila? I AM SO THERE. I already feel very emotional.

A few other notes...

My mouth is still burning from hottest dish I've ever eaten in my life. Definitely crying and in serious pain- it was just papaya salad! How threatening does that sound?

Iced coffee is addictive candy.

Thai girls make me feel completely ugly and worthless. Not really, but they are ridiculously stylish and hot. Boys too. They all have strange haircuts and wear super tight jeans. Trendy trendy.

Bangkok beats Manila in nearly every way on the liveability scale, but your home is your home and I will love Manila with all my heart forever! Bangkok wins out in terms of public transportation, internationalism, green space, old pretty things, cutting edge art and culture, etc. but it might not be really fair to compare because Thailand has so much more money than the Philippines. Also. Land of 1,000 smiles? That title belongs to Philippines. Much friendlier and smilier, though I don't mean to knock the also wonderful Thais.

hawak kamay

2008-07-14T09:49:00.001+08:00

Dear friends,

I'm alive and well in Thailand, visiting my brother before going to Turkey for a few weeks (then home home). After a whirlwind departure from Manila and arrival in Bangkok, I took the train up to see my brother and we spent a few days up north in the backpacker haven of Chiang Mai. We're having a lovely time and doing lovely things, like getting massages and taking cooking classes and eating ridiculously good food, but I'm still feeling so homesick for Manila. I guess that's really a wonderful thing, but there can't be too many people leaving the Philippines who hope that their flight never touches down in Thailand. Hopefully soon I can write about the best pre-birthday birthday celebration in years, do that 'reflection bit' and tell you a little more about Thailand, but for now I've got to pack up to catch the train back to Bangkok.

When my dad was 23 he lived in Turkey. When my mom was 23 she got married. I think I'll follow my dad for this year... : )

hawak kamay

2008-07-14T09:44:00.001+08:00

Dear friends,

When my dad was 23 he lived in Turkey. When my mom was 23 she got married. I think I'll follow my dad for this year... : )

grits and gilmore girls

2008-07-06T16:56:00.003+08:00

I just finished eating eggs and grits while watching Gilmore Girls. You know what this means. Someone is in Denial. I feel so paralyzed - my mind is not working at all- I can't pack, I can't not pack, I can't even make lists. Yesterday afternoon I made more mix cds while staring blankly into outer space. I was late to dance in large part because of that paralysis, but it was such a spectacular class and afterwards they had pancit and cake for me! I wanted to weep and weep. That place has more than just saved me from loneliness and complete inactivity, it let me move again and learn and be with my wonderful dancemates. I had to go to Ali's despedida after that and then returned from Ali's despedida to stay with Lauren and our friends in her apartment until her plane left. I haven't made any plans for my own despedida... I think because of the denial thing and trying to make it to everyone elses' despedidas!

Going to go try and do that packing thing again...

Documentation rocks

2008-07-02T19:14:00.001+08:00

How I love the sound of the call to prayer! I look forward to hearing it again five times a day next year. Day one of our workshop is over- my co-worker and I are piloting a workshop on documentation that we designed and we were both super excited at the end of the day to hear that they were excited about what we had presented and felt like it wasn't actually as hard as it seems. I presented on developing success stories and writing better practices and we also shared the templates that we adapted. I had expected to write more case studies and better practices this year than I actually have, but at the end of the day it's better to help establish the systems and instill capacity and expectations for documentation in other staff, di ba? This is just a small step, but it seems like a fitting way to end my time here. I really like working with the smaller offices and the grant-funded projects- it's been great to see such a wide variety of programming and in such different contexts! This area deals a lot with internal displacement from conflict and natural disasters, which is a totally different thing from urban school health and nutrition. I guess it's fitting that I'm going to Aceh since I like things with a little more edge and figuring out how to navigate a tricky political context. Lately I've just been overwhelmed any time I try to reflect on my year- it feels impossible to describe how much I've grown and learned and how positively perfect this position was for me.

Le sigh.

Just blabbering on, like you do

2008-07-01T15:36:00.005+08:00

I'm in Cotabato City. Nothing much to report so far, just that there were lots of head-scarved women on the plane and the greeting started 'Ahlan wa Sahlan', which is an Arabic welcome/greeting. The airport was a little crazy- they bring the bags into a small cornered off area and either you give your bag tags to the attendants or just hop on into the area and pull your bags out. You can even pull it off the cart yourself. Luckily they really check to see if your numbers match, but it made me appreciate the wonder that is the revolving baggage loop.

Last night Lauren and I made apple pie. That's right. We assembled it at home then brought it covered in plastic wrap to our friend's place who has an oven that you don't have to light manually and you can set the temperature. Amazing! It was delicious and a good July 4 preview.
Yesterday was my despedida at work- I was pretty overwhelmed and couldn't say the things I wanted to say, especially not in Tagalog. It was primarily a goodbye for a long time staffer, but they were also so kind to include me. First I had to recite some Tagalog tongue-twisters and was subsequently awarded a Filipino proficiency certificate, then I read a poem written about me using all Hs and Ss and then there were some videos and a slide show featuring my greatest moments, many of them involving me eating weird foods and making faces. A picture with me and Gregory also made an appearance! I am not writing out my goodbyes yet, but my work is wonderful, obviously.

I was a grown-up this weekend and got a new prescription for my glasses! I tried looking for new frames because it's been two years, but Lauren helped me realize I like my current ones better than the ones I tried on and I might as well save some pennies for traveling!

On Saturday I toured Quiapo with Selena and Kathy- we got super yummy chicken mami (noodle soup) and siopao (big fluffy rice flour bread-like things with pork/beef stuffing) and toured around. It was so hot but I love that area of Manila. If you want a fake diploma, medicine that supposedly induces abortion,pirated things, cheap electronics, religious icons, a fortune... Quiapo is your place!

Then I had dance class and collapsed on Lauren's couch to watch When Harry Met Sally for the millionth time ( I was a good girl and only recited the lines in tandem one or two times). We also ate black bean soup and had popcorn. yummy.

Finally, an advisory that in the near future Miles and I will be co-blogging on the Pinoy music scene on his great new music blog. I'm super excited that someone across the ocean is finding all of the bands that I adore as well! I just hope I can get a free minute to write it all up- I'm leaving in a week (egads!)

Finally, finally, condolences to UGA VI. You were a damn fine dawg.

I didn't drown!

2008-06-24T14:33:00.000+08:00

I've been getting inquiries from the typhoon... just learned its international name is Typhoon Frank, which doesn't sound so menacing. I was unaffected- I live in an area that drains well and I didn't venture out into other parts of the city. Manila itself was spared the level of devastation that hit central and southern Philippines, though there were plenty affected in Manila. I've linked to some pictures and accounts of the flooding and the mudslides and the capsized ferry that has in all likelihood left hundreds for dead. Natural disasters hit the Philippines hard, and I'll admit that it's strange in comparison for me to see the coverage of the flooding in the US. I don't mean to minimize what they are going through at all, but I'm thankful for all of the support and resources available there. It's a different story when your house is constructed on a volcano and the ash gets mixed in with the water from the typhoon and washes away your entire life, when there are no evacuation centers and people pile into the schools for days or weeks or even months, disrupting a child's chance for education and opportunity to cope. It's different when the drainage systems are so poor that cities are flooded multiple times a year, stranding people, destroying property and spreading illnesses through the polluted water. All that being said, people here are so resilient and they just keep rebuilding, no matter how many times typhoons pass through, no matter how many earthquakes or volcanic eruptions happen. The real story is in the work that communities do together, to rebuild schools together, to restart lives together.

There's obviously a lot of work to be done to help communities prepare for this kind of inevitability so that recovery can be quicker and not turn into a disaster. Enough life jackets would help too.

In lighter news... the weather between the rain was wonderful and cool- perfect light sweater weather (because, you know, it was about 85 degrees...)

We made black bean cakes last night and a few nights ago a variation of my beloved wonton ravioli - acorn squash, ricotta cheese, basil and a sage-butter-walnut sauce. Yummy. Tonight we've invited some friends over for Mexican! I've been relaxing more the past couple of days than I have in a long time, back to writing the last letters and listening to some fantastic mix cds that I got from Selena and Kathy last Saturday. Selena's mix was entitled 'Your Pinoy Love Affair' - appropriately titled, me thinks.

My policy brief children

2008-06-23T13:34:00.002+08:00

Panganay (the eldest)
uhhh the middle child
Bunso! (the baby)

Oh My Gulay meets Manly Tofu

2008-06-20T18:21:00.007+08:00

Which leads me to a vital point for friendly omnivore-herbivore relations. As you're enjoying that pork loin next to me, I am not silently judging you - Taylor Clark for Slate

I'm still laughing. I miss being vegetarian. I've been enjoying my food enormously lately- a fellow North Carolinian vegetarian development-dork environmentalist is now living a few floors up (I'm in heaven!) We eat quinoa and brown rice and beans and lentils and vegetables, oh my! We've made brownies and pretzels and nearly seared off our arm hair in the process- it's not safe to light an oven using two hands with two lighters all the way in the oven after the gas is on, I know, but pretzels! We make curries and splurge on imported refried beans for tacos and are jealous of all you lucky people in the US who can buy a million different ingredients, including good cheese and good bread! Exotic fruits = totally awesome, but I'll trade you a lot of them for non-processed cheese food products.

Lauren's introducing me to the small pepper and the joys of spicier food, I'm reading food blogs again and trying to find good ones with readily available (and not expensive) ingredients. Did I mention we made brownies! I miss baking! I really miss my parent's huge and light and wonderful kitchen with two (!) ovens that don't require me endangering my life to turn on. I miss eating good cereal with good milk for breakfasts- instant oatmeal is driving me insane, but at least it's easy. Today I had taho for breakfast- silky tofu spooned into a plastic cup, topped with sugar syrup and little jello balls and mixed up. I tell way too many people how excited I am that tofu is a manly food in the Philippines- everyday people buy taho for breakfast, everyday people eat tofu while drinking! (Well, tofu with pork) Take that you tofu-haters.

Looks like my policy brief is done! Just waiting to hold the hard copies in my hand and tell them how much I love them. The next two weeks of work are going to be insane but I will be doing some of the biggest things of the entire year, so that's exciting, though of course it all happens as everything comes to a close. Also- if you have any burning questions on the Philippines, my life here, the latest political drama or those crazy Imelda butterfly sleeves, you better ask me now!

Idea!s Creatives gives non-profits superpowers!

2008-06-18T14:27:00.002+08:00

The longer I stay in Manila the more great organizations I find, which makes me want to work with all of them! One in particular has really energized me lately as I've seen firsthand the difficulty non-profits have with creating visually powerful and effective advocacy and communication materials. In today's media-rich environment we are constantly bombarded by glitzy marketing campaigns and advertisements designed to make us drink Coke Zero and use whitening creams, but few non-profits have the resources or the design know-how to draw this kind of attention to their advocacies.

Luckily for non-profits in Manila, there is a relatively new social enterprise on the scene, Idea!s Creatives, helping advocacies all over the Philippines spread their message and reach new people through creative and compelling design. As they describe themselves:

We are Idea!s Creatives, and we make a difference through design. We are a youth-run social enterprise, specializing in multimedia design and creative communications, offering our services in order to enhance the impact and outreach of social development organizations. We want to communicate to the world the great stuff people are doing, and encourage people to get involved in the actions—big and small—people initiate in order to make the world a better place.

Idea!s received their start-up funding from the Youth Social Enterprise Initiative (YSEI), which provides training and support to young social entrepreneurs from the developing world. (It's also worthy of its own follow-up post!) In less than two years Idea!s has gone from a start-up to a sustainable enterprise with clients ranging from big institutions like the Asian Development Bank and USAID to smaller NGOs, such as the Philippine Federation for the Deaf and Quezon City Performing Arts Development Foundation. The paying clients help subsidize communication services for smaller non-profits and the five young and passionate team members are additionally supported by volunteers.

In their Frequently Asked Questions section I found a mention to a soon-to-be-launched online communications volunteer hub- I'm intrigued! Other projects outside of direct design work have included initiatives for artists and other creative folks to exchange ideas and insights. Last week they sponsored a Pecha Kucha night in which twenty creative people from Manila had the opportunity to share their work for 20 minutes with 20 slides, each one up for 60 seconds. I am really upset I wasn't able to attend! Social enterprises like this one are beginning to sprout up across the globe, particularly in Europe and the United States, but it is particularly exciting to see this level of quality and creativity available to smaller non-profits in the Philippines.

Whether its through designing websites, developing communication materials or animating superheroes, Idea!s is advancing human rights, quality education for all, environmental sustainability and countless other causes through their clean, creative and compelling designs. I look forward to watching them grow and seeing their superpowers spread worthy causes in the Philippines!

Blogging meets the real world... minsan/sometimes

2008-06-18T11:55:00.001+08:00

I'm sure everyone has tired of my "I met new people! Wee!" posts- I thought I would be sharing more things about the Philippines, but I know that lately I've just mentioned every teeny tiny little victory with friends. Even better than that is finding the good friends and the people that you feel comfortable around and who are creative and inspiring and bring out good things in you. Knowing that I'll be starting over again in a few months is tough (how many times will I 'start over' in the next 5 years?) but if this year has taught me anything it's that the rewards greatly outnumber the risks and that somehow we grow and get better at doing scary things.

Last night I came home after working on the policy brief some more- keeps going and going and going- but I see the light! We're getting our proof today so that means the last last comments before printing! I'm having so many second thoughts- we didn't talk enough about condoms, is the color scheme ugly, could we have found a better case study, is our introduction ok, are our recommendations rights-centered enough? Dork! But at some point you just have to let it be and try to think about how to make it better the next time. All year long my parents have been so awesome at helping me transition into working-girl mode and helping me see that most of the issues I have to work through have nothing to do with non-profit vs. business, American working environment vs. Filipino working environment- it's just work! Good life lessons, padres. There are differences, to be sure, but building experience working with people and projects applies to everything else, no matter what the field is.

Enough sidelining- work- food- walking fast while watching Japanese tv- popcorn- going to Sa Guijo to see Ang Bandang Shirley play again. You may or may not remember me writing about them in a post awhile back- I took that opportunity to make fun of myself for being awkward and I was hoping to provide some amusement for my dear friends back home. Well, lesson from blogging, the people you write about will probably find you, and they did, but because they are amazing and sweet they started a virtual conversation with me that led to me meeting them in real life on Saturday. The first time Selena posted I wanted to hide in a hole and never blog again (How could I have written out my imaginary conversations with them! They must think I'm crazy!) but she and Kathy were so wonderful that almost immediately I realized how great this was and looked forward to seeing them. We finally met in person on Saturday and then I went to see them again last night because a) the band is so rad and b) another band was playing I wanted to see and c) I had made Selena a mix cd (replete with Athens songs!)

I'll just say that you know you had a great night when you're still excited the next day, even if you got less sleep than you planned for. It's really a shame that my time here is limited- we decided I just have to see them play all the time before I leave. Oh, being a groupie.

Maraming salamat sa lahat ng mga ABS peeps- lalo ng para sa sakay (tama ba? baliktad yata) sa pasong tamo- kahit short lang, fun pa rin! gusto kong nakatira dito sa Manila para at least isa pang taon kasi dapat sasayaw tayo sa mga dance parties- themed na themed pa! ako ay #1 american fan mo- wag kayo kong kalimutan- haha actually baka yung pansin na +/- yung talagang first fil-am fan ninyo. pero ok lang s'akin : ) tuloy tayo ulit saturday!

cute angry monster goes to the Chinese cemetery

2008-06-15T21:43:00.003+08:00

Today I went with some friends to the Chinese cemetery. It's strange. Hectares of small little houses (or big, air-conditioned houses with restrooms and videoke) housing dead Chinese-Filipino men and women. We saw a lot of things that were perplexing, like men buried with their mistress on one side and a space for their still-alive wife on the other side. Our tour guide said there were two families living there but that the caretakers live outside. It still felt like a small community- I guess the caretakers and children and bicycling security guards gave it more life than I expected. Some families visit every Sunday, spending time together and eating or playing Mah Jong, others come three times a year for the special occasions. Our guide also said you had to lease for 25 years and then renew, which means that sometimes they take out the coffins and dispose of the remains if a family is no longer paying. Inside the temple there was a golden Buddha in front of Jesus, Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene- the Tsinoy (Chinese-Filipino) population in the Philippines is majority Catholic. We saw about twenty kids running around- apparently you become pretty and sexy if you say hello : ) I love cemeteries, especially ones that provide ample hiding spaces, so I really enjoyed being there and did not feel it was creepy, but there were all of the usual reactions of irony and obvious contradictions of luxuries built for the dead.

I'm finishing out the weekend doing laundry, the closest thing to what I envisioned for the past two days. Yet! Manila is too wonderful to let me sit channel-flipping while postponing cleaning. I sent off a good friend to Abu Dhabi for her next adventure, slept, returned to dance class after a month off, met up with my art boys and then went to a spectacular concert gig.

Who knew that there were so many small steps along the way to feeling great in a place? The small step of meeting a virtual friend in real life, or of having friends who you always see in one context join you for something a little bit different. Realizing that you haven't counted and re-counted and read and re-read your letters in some time. Finding yourself unable to spend a quiet weekend at home by yourself with bad tv because you have so many things planned. Recognizing that the awesome electronic artist you're watching is doing an Eraserheads remix.

also. Today I tried on a hoodie with a hood that was a cute angry monster. ADORABLE. but php 1,700! and I'm not going to be hanging out with cold weather until at least January 2010 and that makes me feel like a sad monster. still... I would make one cute angry monster.

maligayang araw ng kalayaan

2008-06-12T16:38:00.001+08:00

Maligayang Araw ng Kalayaan! Happy Independence Day!

We're in the office today- the President's "Holiday Economics" plan affected Independence Day as well, which I think is terrible. I've been walking around the office humming "Bayan Ko" and "Pilipinas Kong Mahal" and the national anthem- maybe it's a little ridiculous for Miss.America to be singing "Pilipinas Kong Mahal" but I've self-declared myself to be an honorary Fil-Am, so why not celebrate?

I woke up to Myx and the VJ was sharing five things we could do to celebrate Filipino independence. I missed 2-5 but # 1 was to speak more Tagalog, especially the deeper Tagalog, but of course she was telling the audience to do this while speaking in English...

Although I think a day off for Independence Day should happen on the day itself, moving it to Monday allowed me to join a group of about 18 (?) traveling to Quezon Province (about 4 hours south of Manila) to the hometown of my friend. One of my favorite moments of the trip was when we were in a jeep driving from Pagbilao to the beach and somehow we ended up singing the patriotic songs of both the Philippines and the United States, trading one for one until the pitiful American group (4 of us) gave up and sang the chorus of "American Woman." We started with the Filipino National Anthem, then the US National Anthem and so forth, from Bayan Ko to "America the Beautiful", from our Pledge of Allegiances to "Pilipinas Kong Mahal" and others that I didn't know. It was one of those cross-cultural moments that sounds cliche but was truly beautiful and I wish that I could pile back into that jeep to hear our choir render beautiful and passionate tributes to the Philippines.

The weekend was full of lovely things, like waterfalls and drinking from a coconut that was picked up off the ground, camping on the beach and roasting hotdogs and marshmallows on the fire. Good conversation and an excellent outing away from the big city. I'll admit though that I was not up to my usual Helen self. A month of traveling constantly had really taken its toll and for much of the time I was yearning to be alone and to reflect. From May 8th- June 8th I've been from General Santos - Clark - (visit w/ bro) - Batangas - Antique- General Santos - Quezon with brief stops in Manila. There have been many wonderful things that have come out of each of those trips, but the overload has kept me from getting a single night to myself, with no one else, in over a month. Of course it's often my fault- I can't say no! This weekend though I'm saying no! At least for a day, or a morning... : )

I'm going to sneak it in here at the bottom, but I think it's finally ok for me to tell the big wide world of the web that next year, barring any unforeseen events, I'll be in Banda Aceh, Indonesia working as a second-year Princeton in Asia Fellow for the same organization. yun.

signs

2008-06-05T18:23:00.003+08:00

Signs in Antique/Manila: The formidable looking Gov and Vice Gov of San Jose, self-explanatory, a bridge that leads to nowhere, and hasn't for several years apparently, Feel the Progress, Fighting Poverty!

pag-asa!

2008-06-03T18:51:00.002+08:00

Hi my hearts,

The end is near! This is terrifying! I'm not ready to say things like, oh, that was my last trip to South Cotabato, or that was my last trip to the West Visayas... but those things are true (though hopefully only for the time being).

A few tidbits....

There is a gang of adolescents in General Santos called PUNKS, or People Under the New Kingdom of Satan.

There are some women who go to facilities for their prenatal visits and then do the actual delivery at home.... so close yet so far away!

Went to a men's day celebration in General Santos that was an advocacy event for male responsibility in women's reproductive health. The third and final policy brief forthcoming- hope the labor pains are worth it! Only three men raised their hands when asked if they use condoms, none for vasectomy. I guess it's fitting with national statistics- 1.7 % using condoms, 0.1% vasectomy....

There is always a lot of talk about corruption in the government, and it's definitely, definitely there, but I keep meeting really great local government people that give me hope. It's astounding the lack of resources that they all have, though... went into a health clinic recently where you could peek in to see women having birth- no privacy! Also no suitable waiting room... plenty of small things that can make the difference between people coming in to access services or go home, and this was a health center in the capital of the municipality... how much more dire is the situation in the far-flung rural barangays. I've seen a few of those too but I know I haven't seen the worst.

I feel like I'm a development tourist far more than I'm a development worker sometimes, but it's obvious to me that a) there is a lot of work to be done, b) people really do make a difference, and c) that means I might not be able to escape this field so easily : )

Sometimes life is epic

2008-05-31T20:19:00.002+08:00

Going out of town again tomorrow to the land of tuna, but thought I would share another picture from that crazy weekend in Batangas!

complaining is dumb, but this picture is awesome

2008-05-30T18:41:00.003+08:00

It's been a rough week. Gregory! Come back! I just need to figure out good ways to release everything that I bottle up and bottle up and bottle up.... there's your bottle, there's your heart. Hannah, can we do fun and random dancing?

Last year I did a painting called "graduation violence" and I'm feeling that feeling again-maybe better not to explain what that feels like : ) I think I need a huge room with tons of paint and I'll blare my most intense music and see what happens. And fun and random dancing, preferably at the same time.

I'm really pretty great, as always, just craving some time with me. Oh, and "Akap" by Imago, played over and over again. Before I knew what it meant I knew what it meant and that is why I love music so much!

Must see TV: Gregory eats balut

2008-05-27T00:39:00.000+08:00

baluuuuuut

2008-05-26T09:44:00.004+08:00

The day was pretty spectacular. Rising from two hours of sleep to go with friends to Batangas, the G man got his first taste of Jollibee pancakes while I sipped their hot chocolate. We piled into the van and headed towards the province, the billboards and smog of Manila slowly giving way to road-side fruit stands, cows and green things. After a brief stop in Tagaytay for breakfast and to look out over Taal volcano, we ended up on a private resort somewhere in Batangas with lots of people walking around in wetsuits. The rest of the daytime was a delightful blur of snorkeling, swimming, eating, and drinking all the Milo I could handle. After lunch I was first up for a test dive with Ryan and I was on a different planet. After all of these years of seeing the oceans via Imax and Discovery Channel, here I was with fish two inches away from my face, meeting Nemo and all of his friends and pulsating masses and sea cucumbers and wow. I emerged speechless, my eyes stuck in the wide-open Helen-in-ocean position. I still can’t articulate that feeling, but I’m hungry for more!

After a great day with fun people we boarded the bangka to head back to shore, planning on eating Indian and getting back to Manila early enough for me to head to a friend’s exhibit. In the bangka I was practicing the deep breaths I had mastered earlier as the boat rocked back and forth in the choppy water, lightning flashing frequently in the distance. We got splashed a few times and I tried to stay Zen Helen instead of ERT Helen. Once ashore we gladly boarded the van and I dozed off to sleep, only to wake up to a stopped car with a raised hood. Ryan was talking to a group of people outside the car and I drifted back into sleep.

After discussing at some length the situation, it came out that the car would need to stay in Batangas to fix the radiator, but we still needed to get back to Manila, so we planned to take a trike into Lemery and then board a bus heading back to Manila. Gregory was the model of a good traveler, staying calm and not revealing his inner alarm. I should have done a better job at explaining what was happening- I didn’t really know either but after being here for so long it never occurred to me to worry or wonder how everything would happen. (Isn’t that a great feeling? It is!)

Road safety advocates please read no further… Luckily we were able to arrange with a trike driver to take us to find something to eat in Lemery and then to the bus station. I have to get a picture of this from someone else because there were four of us inside the cab- they made the three girls go inside so I had a rather standard trike ride- then two people sitting on the back of the motorcycle, one standing on the back and one on the roof. It was about a thirty minute journey, I think, which included a stop to a ‘vulcanizing’ shop to put more air in the tires. I don’t know what vulcanizing means, just that you see these shops everywhere and it has something to do with tire repair.

Finally we were in Lemery, looking around in the small town center for signs of a 24- hour or at least late-night establishment. We chanced upon an outdoors eating place and we pulled the plastic tables and chairs together as Ryan ordered tapsilog for all of us. I was pleased Gregory could eat the most famous Filipino breakfast meal (fried beef, fried egg and rice), but he didn’t want to end his experience there, declaring he must have balut before leaving the Philippines.

This was a perfect scenario and as the last spoons and forks were laid down from dinner we all grabbed a warm egg from the bag that magically appeared on the table. As a group we went through the ritual of cracking the large end and sucking out the soup after putting a little salt or vinegar on top, then peeling away the egg to take out the large white part and preparing for the final bite. Gregory was about as stoic as you can be before eating what is either a small duck or an almost small duck, especially as someone who had started eating meat again only a week earlier. When we had all finished eating there was a great round of applause for Gregory.

Around 1am we piled back into the trike and got dropped off at the train station, where we played games like charades to pass the time until our bus left at 2. After two hours on the freezing bus Gregory and I stumbled out near our village, walking back to the house in the quiet hours of the morning, the sky already starting to light for the sunrise.

Municipal Office of Lake Sebu

2008-05-20T11:03:00.003+08:00

boys

2008-05-20T10:34:00.003+08:00

Military men and Aliwan Festival dancers from Sagada in the rain, boys in Lake Sebu, South Cotabato during a T'boli cultural display, Pilipinas Street Plan boys in Cubao X